What About Bob? That Annoying Kid From ‘The House By The Cemetery’ (1981)

Posted on April 7, 2020 by Dirty Horror

As I sit here in quarantine, I think to myself….what could possibly make this worse. Running out of toilet paper? Running out of oily rags that I could use as mock toilet paper? Or how about being quarantined with the kid from The Babadook!!?? Oh god, no! Anything but that! Well, I will tell you – as much flack as that kid gets (and rightfully so) for being an annoying obnoxious little shit, he’s got nothing on my boy Bob from the 1981 Italian ridiculousness called The House By The Cemetery.

Now, if you’ve seen the movie – then you know all about Bob. A little boy with an uncanny high-pitched (almost middle-aged woman’s) voice that will surely have you looking for cotton to stuff into your abused earholes. It wasn’t all Bob’s fault, mind you – the main culprit was terrible English dubbing (as was the case in a lot of Italian horror movies from the 70’s and 80’s). Now, I must warn you. The clip below is not for the squeamish. I don’t mean because it’s gory, but…..well…..you’ll see (or should I say hear). Take it away, Bob!

Oh you know the Mom wanted to keep his shrill-voice having ass locked in that basement. I ain’t saying that I want a kid to die in a horror movie, but…….I would understand. God bless whoever strung together those clips of dear old Bob for all of us to enjoy on Youtube! Btw – Bob really hit that high note with that scream when he saw the decapitated head, didn’t he??

Well, this post was just to show you that the kid from The Babadook isn’t the only kid in a horror movie that deserves to die a slow agonizing death. I mean that in the kindest, gentlest way possible of course. But go check out The House By The Cemetery on Shudder if you haven’t seen it. Oh, who am I kidding – I just scared everyone away with the 3 1/2 minute Bob-A-Thon.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Rosie Pukes Up Intestines’ From ‘City Of The Living Dead’ (1980)

Posted on March 21, 2016 by Dirty Horror

So I’m sitting here eating my delicious breakfast and my mind wanders to an intestinal puking scene from an Italian horror film. A bit fucked up? Yeah, probably. But it’s always a good time for an intestinal puking scene!

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday and if you yourself are eating breakfast, you may want to stop before you watch the clip. Lucio Fulci’s City Of The Living Dead (aka The Gates Of Hell) has a pretty great soundtrack and more than enough WTF moments in the actual movie as well. Solid viewing for me all around and when the infamous ‘intestine scene’ happens, it’s even more remarkable knowing that Fulci actually had actress Daniela Doria swallow and then vomit up actual sheep entrails in the scene. Watch carefully below, and don’t stare into the priest’s eyes too long or you may have your very own intestinal accident.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Tarantula Attack’ From ‘The Beyond’ (1981)

Posted on April 19, 2015 by Dirty Horror

Is there a worse death more imaginable than having a herd of blood-thirsty tarantulas slowly…..and I mean VERY slowly…..tear you apart as you lay there paralyzed after falling off of a ladder? Hardly not. Unless of course we’re talking about being strapped to a chair and forced to listen to Taylor Swift until your eardrums explode and blood pours out of your head like a leaky faucet.

On that lovely note, welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday – where I’m spotlighting tarantulas. More specifically, the incredibly slow moving tarantulas from Lucio Fulci’s classic Italian 1981 splatterfest, The Beyond. Poor Martin falls from a ladder and is rendered immobile. In come the fantastically awesome real (and fake) tarantulas to rip him to shreds. Grab some popcorn and sit down for a while, because this unintentionally hilarious (but awesome) scene runs 4 minutes long.

Exclusive 30th Anniversary ‘Demons’ Soundtrack On Vinyl And CD!

Posted on February 25, 2015 by Dirty Horror

Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento’s 1985 Italian horror classic, Demons, is about to turn 30 years old! And that makes me feel equally as old! But enough about my age insecurities, let’s talk about the awesome releases that Rustblade.Com has coming to celebrate the birthday. Over at their website, you can pre-order a few limited edition releases:

Limited edition ‘Demons’ bag (only 100 made) including: Blue transparent vinyl release (limited to 666 copies), Tin box with CD and bonus CD (limited to 299), Transparent postcard, Metropol movie ticket, Autographed poster from composer Claudio Simonetti, Embroidery patch, and more!

The vinyl and CD versions are also sold separately (and come with non-autographed posters), but the are limited to the number given above.

Being the horror vinyl collector that I am, I already snagged two copies and as of the writing of this post, there were only about 65 copies left out of the 666 total amount for the vinyl. Head on over to Rustblade.Com and pick up yours today. Be aware though that this is the Claudio Simonetti composed soundtrack and does not contain the heavy metal tracks (Billy Idol, Motley Crue, etc) from the movie that are available on the original soundtrack release. Still awesome though, so celebrate the Demons 30th Anniversary and break out your best Tony The Pimp impressions while you do!

When Irons Attack: Dario Argento’s ‘Opera’ (1987)

Posted on February 4, 2015 by Dirty Horror

Want to see a woman get hit square in the back by an iron from a homicidal killer in an Italian horror movie? Here ya go!

Hahaha! That’s funny. Until she dies a horrible death of course, which I’ll talk about in a minute. That clip is from Dario Argento’s underrated 1987 giallo film, Opera (aka Terror At The Opera). Soak it in folks, because this was Argento in his prime. And Opera is full of vintage Argento, especially the scene I eluded to involving the wardrobe seamstress Giulia getting back-smacked with the iron while Betty (interesting Italian horror movie name btw) is forced to watch her die with needles taped under her eyes. Good times!

Speaking of good times, Giulia accidentally swallows the bracelet that the killer is after while she’s dying. Let’s just say that when he shoves the shears down her throat to try and retrieve it (all to a killer metal soundtrack I might add), I was squirming in my seat. The good news for us, the viewer, is that he doesn’t succeed and has to cut through her throat to finally get back what he’s after, with effective sound effects to boot. Hooray! Watch the full scene below. It’s in Spanish btw – so my apologies if you don’t speak Spanish. Ay Dios Mio!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Creepers (1985)

Posted on November 18, 2014 by Dirty Horror

Movies with two names kind of annoy me. But so is usually the case when we’re talking about the Italian horror genre. No matter if you want to call Dario Argento’s 1985 psychic/insect movie Creepers or Phenomena, it has one of the best posters EVER!

Now for whatever reason, there is a version of this poster that isn’t exposing Jennifer Connelly’s half-decaying bug face, but clearly the un-edited version is the keeper here. The image above is actually an ad for the promotion of the VHS version of Creepers, but the tagline on the original poster is “It Will Make Your Skin Crawl“. Fitting, considering there are a bunch of bugs flying around that could actually make your skin crawl.

I have to confess that I haven’t seen this movie in years. And after looking at this poster again, I definitely need to revisit it. Not only does it have the late great Donald Pleasence in it, but how the fuck can you go wrong with a movie that has Iron Maiden and Motorhead on the soundtrack? Another thing that this poster is making me realize is that we need more horror movies about bugs. Whether it’s spiders, cockroaches, or maybe a random remake of 1988’s movie about killer slugs appropriately titled Slugs – everyone can relate to bugs! Get on that Hollywood. Until then, it’s off to Amazon to purchase Creepers or Phenomena or whatever the hell you want to call it.

And The Award For ‘Best Katana Sword Demon Slaying On A Motorcyle Ever’ Goes To………..

Posted on September 2, 2014 by Dirty Horror

To be fair, I think that’s been the only ‘katana sword demon slaying on a motorcycle scene’ ever in a movie. But yes, that gem of a clip is from Lamberto Bava’s 1985 classic gorefest – Demons. I don’t even know where to begin with the awesomeness in this one. We could start with the fact that George has some serious motorbike skills and effortlessly rides along top of the movie theater seats, which somewhat defies physics. Then we can get into the impressive sword mastery that he puts forth, all while maintaining his balance and speed on the bike. Add in the metal track ‘Fast As A Shark‘ from Accept, and you can’t help but grin from ear to ear at everything involved here. As a matter of fact, let’s watch it again!

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Axe Attack’ From ‘Tenebre’ (1982)

Posted on August 10, 2014 by Dirty Horror

*WARNING: The clip that you’re about to watch in this post contains an extremely unrealistic chopping off of an arm by an axe. You’ve been warned*

God bless Dario Argento. Why the hell doesn’t he make good movies anymore though? That’s a question that could take a while to find an answer to, so lets focus on some of his better work from days past to take our minds off of that.

On this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday it’s about to get all giallo red up in here, because I’m highlighting one of the best and most ridiculous death scenes from Argento’s 1982 slasher: Tenebre. If you haven’t seen the movie, then I’m about to spoil the fact that the character of Jane is about to be hacked up by an axe murderer. But before she’s done for good, she’s going to decide to paint the beautiful white walls in her house bright red! I heard that she did always have dreams of becoming an interior designer.

Worst Axe In A Horror Movie Ever: Stage Fright (1987)

Posted on June 30, 2014 by Dirty Horror

Recently, I finally sat down and watched the 1987 Italian slasher flick, Stage Fright. And overall, it pretty much lived up to all of the expectations I had about a horror movie with a killer wearing a giant furry owl head when stalking his brain-challenged victims.

Now let’s talk axes for a minute. I really had to refrain from throwing in a ‘axe to grind’ pun by the way. But anyway, towards the end of Stage Fright, our final girl Alice (Barbara Cupisti) is on the run from our killer owl and ends up in the rafters above the stage. After knocking him down, to where he latches on to cable and tries to climb back up, she grabs his axe and starts to go to work on that cable to knock him down:

Ok. I realize that the particular axe that Alice was swinging had recently been used to chop off someone’s head. So maybe….just maybe, that activity dulled it a little to where she couldn’t cut through that cable with less than 20 attempts. That’s right. If you played along at home while watching the video and counted, it took 20 swings of that sharp axe to get through that cable and drop owl face like a sack of potatoes to the ground.

I’m sorry, but I can’t even use the whole “Oh, she’s a girl so she’s not as strong” defense on this one, because it’s an AXE. They use these to cut down trees for God’s sake! After the seventh attempt, the credits should have been rolling and Alice should have been enjoying a tasty beverage somewhere. So because of that, I have to award the axe in Stage Fright as the Worst Axe In A Horror Movie Ever! Somewhere, Paul Bunyan is sobbing.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: Barb Wire Death From ‘Suspiria’ (1977)

Posted on June 29, 2014 by Dirty Horror

Note to self: If I’m ever running away from someone that I might think is a killer and I climb up top to a window and proceed to go through it – I need to check below and observe is there is a massive amount of barb wire before jumping down.

Seems like common sense, but not quite the case for Sarah in 1977’s personal classic of mine, Suspiria. There are a lot of things I love about this movie (the colors, the music, the blind guy) but I can’t help but laugh every time I watch Sarah plunge to her imminent ‘barb wire death’. I think what makes it so comical is the fact that there is SO much of the barb wire on the ground when she jumps down. Could she seriously not see any of it? But whatever the case, it’s a scene that is more than worthy of being on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday:

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