Oh, don’t get your bright lights all up in a bunch. I know Gremlins might not technically be a ‘horror’ movie, but it definitely had scenes that creeped me out out as a kid (kitchen scene, anyone?) It is however, undoubtedly a Christmas movie. Don’t believe me? Just watch Phoebe Cates recount the heartwarming story about how her Dad once dressed up as Santa and got stuck in the chimney after breaking his neck, leaving a rotting dead corpse smell that would eventually give up the mystery as to where he disappeared to. But anyway……let’s talk about hair! More specifically – Stripe The Gremlin!
Oh yes. Look at that sweet chalky fluff on top of Stripe’s head. Now, granted – there’s not much on the sides….but who needs side hair when you have that glorious achievement running straight down the middle! Unfortunately, Stripe and his luscious locks would meet their demise in a gooey climax that scarred me as a child – but him and his hair will proudly live on. So please join me in inducting Stripe into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Here’s your award, Stripe. Any words before we go? “Award…..Caca!“
I remember being 8 years old in 1984, sitting in my local town theater watching Gremlins on a torn movie screen, while gum was sticking to my ass from the uncomfortable seat. And then I remember going again the next day because I became obsessed with that movie and had to see it again. Gremlins holds a special place in my childhood memory bank and is a great Christmas time movie to boot! (minus the scene where Phoebe Cates tells the story about her Dad dressing up like Santa Claus and then getting killed while going down the family chimney of course)
So what does Hollywood like to do with classic movies and childhood memories? They like to shit all over them and make money during the shitting process, that’s what!
*better to be protected against dangerous wind chills during an armed robbery*
Yes, a Gremlins remake is coming. You can’t stop it. You can’t avoid it. It’s coming. There had been talks of a sequel instead, which I would have been way more ok with. But a remake seems about right considering Hollywood doesn’t have much originality left in their bones and they like taking the easy way out. The director’s chair is still vacant as of now (might as well give Joe Dante a shot at least), but Seth Grahame-Smith and David Katzenberg will produce. I have a sinking feeling that CGI will be heavily involved, but if it turns into a Smurfs/Alvin & The Chipmunks affair, I’ll pound my head against a wall. My mind is left barely open at this point though and I’ll prepare for Corey Feldman trying to get a role in the movie in 3….2….1….