This damn toilet just won’t flush. Too much shit clogging it up. Let me be more specific – too many shitty movies from 2014 are clogging it up. Yeah, it’s that time of the year when we look back and laugh at the horror movies that gave us unintentional stomach pains and regrets. So let’s get on with my Top 5 Worst Movies Of 2014! Continue reading
Pfffft. Who cares about the upcoming Leprechaun franchise reboot, Leprechaun: Origins, when you can have a movie about a leprechaun that turns into a vampire. Want me to sweeten that pot of gold? How about if the director of the 1993 original (Mark Jones) AND the original leprechaun himself (Warwick Davis) are on board? Ladies and gentlemen……get ready for: VAMPRICHAUN!
Recently in a podcast interview, director Mark Jones gave the following info about another possible Leprechaun movie: “They’re doing the Leprechaun reboot without him. And, I said, we should do a new franchise about a vampire who bites a leprechaun. He turns into a little Vamprichaun. Warwick loved the idea and it’s basically a little vampire who bites your ankle instead of your neck and it’s kind of a comedy-horror.”
C’mon now. A leprechaun vampire biting ankles instead of feet? That’s absolutely………..one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard! Yep, sign me up. Now granted, the Leprechaun franchise overstayed it’s welcome well before Ice-T was getting his finger ripped off in the hood, but I would much rather see this version of a reboot than the other upcoming WWE funded one. With 2014 looking light on the horror front anyway, I could use a good horror comedy. And remember, it’s the little things in life that matter the most (wink, wink).
The horror business is really booming on television right now. I’m talking about you, The Walking Dead. And you, American Horror Story. But not so much about you Dracula, because you’re probably going to get cancelled. The point I’m trying to make here is that to get your horror fix nowadays, there are more than enough viable ways to get it on the old boob tube. So that must mean that since horror is all the rage on TV, we’re going to have a lot to choose from on the big screen too, right? Nope. No sir. No ma’am. No shit.
I did a little piece last month about the absence of horror movies for October and more importantly, for Halloween. Sure we had the Carrie remake to satisfy our urge, but unfortunately, I had to go eat ten Snickers bars afterward to get my true satisfaction due to the fact that the movie sucked ass. And now I look into my magic horror crystal ball toward the future months ahead and I see………….absolutely nothing. You might think I’m exaggerating, oh but I’m not. Not unless you’re seriously excited about Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.
You know the excitement you get when a big horror movie is coming out? Well prepare to push that excitement to the limit when I, Frankenstein comes out on January 24th! Oh yeah! Looks like if you’ve been yearning for something that could be just as terrible as Van Helsing, you’ll be in luck on January 24th. And if you’re not tired of the whole found footage “my baby might be the Devil” storyline, make sure to check out Devil’s Due a week earlier on January 17th! Wow! Maybe I was wrong about all of this! Sarcasm can go a long way, especially when you’re talking about crappy horror movies that are coming out in theaters over the next few months.
In fact, it’s not until The Purge 2 on June 20th, that a somewhat favorable horror movie comes out, and even that one’s a little suspect. But seriously. June 20th? There will be a few diamonds in the rough along the way that will most likely be limited releases (Wolf Creek 2, Here Comes The Devil), but the horror well looks to be pretty dry my friends. Unless of course you’ve been fiending for Leprechaun: Origins. So turn on your televisions horror fans and relish in the silver lining throughout all of this. The fact that you can save some movie theater cash and go see Saw VIII ten times when it comes out in October. Now that is a silver lining.
With reboots being all the rage nowadays, it comes as no surprise that one of the horror franchises that we love to hate will be throwing it’s little green hat back in the ring again. Two metaphors there for those playing at home. Yes, our favorite Irish shoe shiner is coming back, and this time, he’s going lose the laughs and gain some horror! WWE Films will be producing a new Leprechaun installment titled Leprechaun: Origins and it will star one of their WWE Superstars, Hornswoggle. Now for those unfamiliar, Hornswoggle is a little person and a wrestler and his schtick is that he’s a leprechaun in the ring. Here’s photo proof for all the non-believers out there:
Classic. Anyway, it will be hard to get used to someone playing the Leprechaun other than Warwick Davis. Even though most of the six movies that he starred in (seriously…..there were six?) were crap, he was easily the best thing about those original Leprechaun movies. Other than Ice-T getting his finger ripped off of course. Word on the street though is that this version will be much darker and less comical. So I guess that means no follow up to this then?
The the more I think about it, I wouldn’t mind seeing a brainless, straight up horror movie involving the Leprechaun again. Gimme some practical gore fx, a little competent acting, and we might have something. WWE did give us some mindless, gore-filled fun with See No Evil after all. So anything is possible. I do have one request to the WWE though. Can we get a horror movie based around Doink The Clown pleeeeeease?