Let’s Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Oh.  Hi Annabelle.  Ok – just because you have a brand new movie coming out in a few weeks, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to beat us at this staring contest.  My, what big eyes you have though.  Ok, time to stay focused.  Don’t be distracted by her rosy cheeks. Don’t be distracted by her pigtails and fancy bangs.  Just try and think about…….wait. Why am I peeing my pants?  Dammit, Annabelle!  You possessed me and made me piss myself, thus making me lose the staring contest!  Arrrgh.  Go see Annabelle: Creation on August 11th in theaters.  She made me say that too.

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Oh no!  It’s Scott from the original Evil Dead!  And not “Party Down!” Scott……but demonically possessed Scott!  His eyes….my God, look at his eyes!  No seriously, look at them because this is a staring contest.  Try not to be distracted by his suddenly grey hair. Or that blood coming out of his mouth.  Keep focused and just think about how annoying his laugh was in the movie and that will make you want to defeat him even more.  Oh wait – Ash just stepped in and gouged both of his eyes out with his thumbs!  You win!!!!!!!!!

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Tis’ the season for Ricky from Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!  So let’s have ourselves a good ol’ staring contest with him and see if it turns out to be naughty or nice.  Don’t let Ricky’s scowl distract you.  Stay focused on his menacing eyes.  He is quite intimidating, but if you keep your eyes on the……….wait, where are you going?!  You’re taking out the garbage?!  That’s not a good move with Ricky around.  Ah screw it – you lose.  Go listen to ‘The Warm Side Of The Door’ and drown your sorrows.

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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My, what a big eye you have there.  Ok – this will be a challenge because the Hungry Beast from TerrorVision can distract you with his giant toothy smile and also the giant eye that I alluded to earlier.  Gotta stay focused here and see if you can break him from his concentration.  Steady…..Steady…..Keep your eyes on the prize.  Oh wait – did you just pull out an old W.A.S.P. cassette to distract him and take his eyes off of you?  That’s genius because this this dude’s into metal!  You win!!!

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Oh no!  It’s Dr. Herbert West from Re-Animator fame!  He has that look in his eyes.  That look that says he will not lose this staring contest.  Keep focused though.  And would it kill you to close your mouth while we’re doing this, Herbert?  Geez.  Drooling all over and shit.  Oh wait – the 1985 version of Barbara Crampton just walked in topless and Herbert looked away!  You win!!!

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Hmmmmm…….button eyes, huh?  That’s a new one.  Ok – you can do this.  Just because Dr. Decker from Nightbreed has button eyes, it doesn’t mean he has an advantage in this staring contest.  The key is to stay focused and not worry about the drool coming out of his zipper mouth.  It’s an easy ploy and distraction, so just keep focusing and he’ll break.  Try not to think about the fact that it’s famed horror director David Cronenberg underneath that mask too.  Shit – I just rattled you with that information and you looked away.  You lose.  And now Dr. Decker is probably gonna gut you with his impressive giant knife.  Tough luck.

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Oh boy.  It’s your first staring contest with a scanner.  Don’t panic.  You can do this.  If you don’t lose focus, you can combat his mind and make him break.  Try to think of something soothing and calming.  Like Hannah Davis serving you lemonade topless on a white sandy beach with smooth jazz music playing in the background.  There…..now isn’t that nice?  I bet you’ve already forgotten that you’re in a staring contest with a scanner.  Wait, what are you doing?  Don’t itch your nose.  You’re going to lose focus!  Get back to thinking about a topless Hannah Davis serving you delicious lemonade and…………

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You lose.

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Ooooh…..a tricky one.  See – Betty has needles piercing into her eyelids, so for her to blink is going to be extremely rare.  Unless of course she enjoys terrible pain in her eyelids, which could be the case – you never know.  Stay strong and keep focused!  Oh fuck it….who are we kidding. You can’t beat someone in a staring contest with needles stuck in their eyelids.  You lose!!

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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You win easily!!!!  Mostly because Angela isn’t even looking at you to begin with because she’s more preoccupied with having just decapitated someone, not to mention her penis is showing.  Good job!