A bit of a challenge this week – because you have to beat not one, but two sets of eyes! You can do it though. Just don’t be a dummy and fuck up. Oh, I should mention that one of your opponents is actually a dummy. Focus, my friend. Sir Anthony Hopkins is going to try and break you while gazing into your eyes like a hungry Hannibal Lecter. I would shift your focus to Fats the ventriloquist dummy, because he looks more weak. I wish he would close his mouth though because that’s distracting. Oh wait! A sexy female ventriloquist dummy just came in the room and Fats looked away! You win!! And so does Fats because he’s about to have hot dummy sex in a minute.
Oh of course. Our competitor is the original Pennywise because the new IT movie is coming out tomorrow (with the new Pennywise as well). Classic promotional tactic. But anyway, don’t look into his deadlights! If you don’t, you might have a chance to win this staring contest. But, seeing that you need to look him in the eyes to be victorious in this particular challenge pretty much means that you’re fucked. Oh well – I’m sure it’s not so bad in the deadlights. Maybe you could even get a nice fruity alcoholic drink while you’re there. Don’t forget your balloon! Don’t you want it? Don’t you want it? Don’t you want it? Beep Beep. You lose.
Oh. Hi Annabelle. Ok – just because you have a brand new movie coming out in a few weeks, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to beat us at this staring contest. My, what big eyes you have though. Ok, time to stay focused. Don’t be distracted by her rosy cheeks. Don’t be distracted by her pigtails and fancy bangs. Just try and think about…….wait. Why am I peeing my pants? Dammit, Annabelle! You possessed me and made me piss myself, thus making me lose the staring contest! Arrrgh. Go see Annabelle: Creation on August 11th in theaters. She made me say that too.
Oh no! It’s Scott from the original Evil Dead! And not “Party Down!” Scott……but demonically possessed Scott! His eyes….my God, look at his eyes! No seriously, look at them because this is a staring contest. Try not to be distracted by his suddenly grey hair. Or that blood coming out of his mouth. Keep focused and just think about how annoying his laugh was in the movie and that will make you want to defeat him even more. Oh wait – Ash just stepped in and gouged both of his eyes out with his thumbs! You win!!!!!!!!!
Tis’ the season for Ricky from Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2! So let’s have ourselves a good ol’ staring contest with him and see if it turns out to be naughty or nice. Don’t let Ricky’s scowl distract you. Stay focused on his menacing eyes. He is quite intimidating, but if you keep your eyes on the……….wait, where are you going?! You’re taking out the garbage?! That’s not a good move with Ricky around. Ah screw it – you lose. Go listen to ‘The Warm Side Of The Door’ and drown your sorrows.
My, what a big eye you have there. Ok – this will be a challenge because the Hungry Beast from TerrorVision can distract you with his giant toothy smile and also the giant eye that I alluded to earlier. Gotta stay focused here and see if you can break him from his concentration. Steady…..Steady…..Keep your eyes on the prize. Oh wait – did you just pull out an old W.A.S.P. cassette to distract him and take his eyes off of you? That’s genius because this this dude’s into metal! You win!!!
Oh no! It’s Dr. Herbert West from Re-Animator fame! He has that look in his eyes. That look that says he will not lose this staring contest. Keep focused though. And would it kill you to close your mouth while we’re doing this, Herbert? Geez. Drooling all over and shit. Oh wait – the 1985 version of Barbara Crampton just walked in topless and Herbert looked away! You win!!!
Hmmmmm…….button eyes, huh? That’s a new one. Ok – you can do this. Just because Dr. Decker from Nightbreed has button eyes, it doesn’t mean he has an advantage in this staring contest. The key is to stay focused and not worry about the drool coming out of his zipper mouth. It’s an easy ploy and distraction, so just keep focusing and he’ll break. Try not to think about the fact that it’s famed horror director David Cronenberg underneath that mask too. Shit – I just rattled you with that information and you looked away. You lose. And now Dr. Decker is probably gonna gut you with his impressive giant knife. Tough luck.
Oh boy. It’s your first staring contest with a scanner. Don’t panic. You can do this. If you don’t lose focus, you can combat his mind and make him break. Try to think of something soothing and calming. Like Hannah Davis serving you lemonade topless on a white sandy beach with smooth jazz music playing in the background. There…..now isn’t that nice? I bet you’ve already forgotten that you’re in a staring contest with a scanner. Wait, what are you doing? Don’t itch your nose. You’re going to lose focus! Get back to thinking about a topless Hannah Davis serving you delicious lemonade and…………