On Second Thought: I Kinda Like ‘Halloween II’ More Than ‘Halloween’!

Calm down, calm down.  And please put the pitchforks away.  It you read the title of the post and are already shouting obscenities at the computer screen, allow me to piss you off some more so you can shout more of them at me.  Now look, I love John Carpenter’s original Halloween.  It was groundbreaking, creepy, had a great soundtrack, and introduced us to one of the most iconic horror villains ever in Michael Myers.  I can go on and on about the level of awesomeness that is and was Halloween.  But…….I have to be honest.  If I’m sitting at home on Halloween night, and I’m thinking of which Halloween movie I want to pop into the ol’ Blu-ray player……..I’m gonna go with Halloween II.

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Perhaps it’s the fact that I can’t stop staring at Jamie Lee Curtis’ wig in the movie.  Or maybe it’s because I laugh every time drunk ass Ben Tramer gets hit by the ambulance. But there’s no denying that for me, Halloween II is much more entertaining than the first. It’s more of a straight up 80’s slasher movie, and I’m ok with that.  Michael Myers is way more brutal here as well – using scalpels, syringes, and hot tubs to dispose of his victims. Speaking of hot tubs…..oh my god, I just remembered why I love Halloween II so much!

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Well obviously I was alluding to the infamous hot tub scene where we get to see Pamela Susan Shoop’s near perfect breasts (ahhh screw it, they are perfect) – but I wanted to class up this post and show a pic of her looking innocent in her nurse’s outfit.  And speaking of nurse’s outfits, that is another thing that I love about Halloween II:  The hospital setting.  I don’t know why, but I find it creepy to have a maniac running (or walking briskly) around a conveniently desolate hospital.  If the hospital food doesn’t kill you, Michael Myers will.  Zing!  But anyway, thank you for letting me gush about my love for Halloween II.  Hopefully this year when you have your Halloween franchise marathon, you’ll appreciate this sequel even more and also appreciate Pamela Susan Shoop’s luscious hooters.  Shout out to Al Bundy.

Dirty Horror Presents: More Shitty Michael Myers Halloween Masks!

Alright kids….Halloween is only a week and a half away!  So quit procrastinating about what you want to be this year, when the answer is clearly a bad representation of Michael Myers.  That’s right – another year and another batch of bad Michael Myers Halloween masks have hit online.  Don’t believe me?  Well then let’s take a look, shall we?    Continue reading

Let’s All Take A Moment And Laugh At Michael Myers……

What’s funnier than watching Michael Myers with blood in his eyes trying to swing a scalpel at Laurie Strode and Dr. Loomis at the end of the original Halloween II?  Not much really.

I know, I know.  I shouldn’t laugh at those who are less fortunate.  And an evil unstoppable killer with blurred vision is definitely less fortunate than someone with perfect 20/20.  Truth be told, I love this ending and I love the image of Michael Myers having the blood pouring out of his mask’s eye holes after Laurie shoots him.  But you can’t help but chuckle a little as he’s swinging his shiny instrument of death to and fro while wincing like a little girl (my apologies to any little girls who took offense to that comparison).  Yes – you are a bad ass, Michael Myers and I’m scared of you…..but the least you could do after murdering all of those people and ruining tons of lives is allow us a good laugh at your expense.  Thank you, kind sir.

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Horror Hijinx: The Tragic Death Of Ben Tramer From ‘Halloween II’ (1981)

Few moments in horror movie history have such a profound affect on the soul as the death of Ben Tramer in 1981’s, Halloween II.  It was tragic.  It was unexpected.  It was ridiculous.  Dr. Loomis was hellbent on stopping Michael Myers, so much so that he was willing to kill anyone looking remotely like him. And this is why poor Ben Tramer met his fiery, over-the-top demise.

It hurts more every time I watch that and it also makes me laugh more every time as well.  Sure, Ben Tramer was drunk as a skunk and extremely disoriented while walking in the middle of the street with his Captain Kirk Halloween mask on.  But he didn’t deserve to die that way and was taken away far too soon from the Halloween movie franchise.

Laurie Strode had a serious crush on him, and he revealed in the original Halloween that he kinda thought she was cute too.  You see, Dr. Loomis not only killed Ben Tramer that fateful night, but he killed young love as well.  What a monster!!  Not only that, but I really think Loomis needed some glasses because this Michael Myers imposter looked nothing like the real one.  No sense in dwelling on the past I guess, because Ben Tramer is no more.  After watching your yearly Halloween marathon this year, just make sure you pour out a bowl full of those orange and black wrapped peanut butter things in memory of him.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Motel Laser Death’ From ‘Halloween III – Season Of The Witch’

Don’t you know that you’re not supposed to poke around with things you don’t know anything about?  If only Marge from 1982’s Michael Myersless sequel, Halloween III: Season Of The Witch, could have taken heed of those exact words.  Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where as I’ve stated previously, I’m going to stick with the Halloween theme throughout this month.

So, I bring to you the death scene from Halloween III that doesn’t involve a kid getting his head eaten by bugs after wearing a self-destructive mask.  Yes, it’s the unfortunate demise of Marge, a store owner who sells the Silver Shamrock masks and has come down to the town of Santa Mira to pick up a new order.  As she’s relaxing in her hotel room and begins to fumble around with a microchip that has fallen off from one of the masks, this happens:

Poor Marge.  That laser really fucked her up.  Btw, I love how Tom Atkins and his moustache are getting some sweet lovin next door while all this is going down.  I said it before and I’ll say it again:  I like this movie.  I know, I know – it doesn’t have Michael Myers in it.  It’s dumb as shit, but overall Halloween III has a traditional feel to it that makes me get into the Halloween spirit.  And that’s good enough for me!  Oh – and let’s not forget about Tom Atkins’ moustache either.  That thing will make any movie better.

*What do you feed that thing?*