On Second Thought: I Kinda Like ‘Halloween II’ More Than ‘Halloween’!

Calm down, calm down.  And please put the pitchforks away.  It you read the title of the post and are already shouting obscenities at the computer screen, allow me to piss you off some more so you can shout more of them at me.  Now look, I love John Carpenter’s original Halloween.  It was groundbreaking, creepy, had a great soundtrack, and introduced us to one of the most iconic horror villains ever in Michael Myers.  I can go on and on about the level of awesomeness that is and was Halloween.  But…….I have to be honest.  If I’m sitting at home on Halloween night, and I’m thinking of which Halloween movie I want to pop into the ol’ Blu-ray player……..I’m gonna go with Halloween II.

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Perhaps it’s the fact that I can’t stop staring at Jamie Lee Curtis’ wig in the movie.  Or maybe it’s because I laugh every time drunk ass Ben Tramer gets hit by the ambulance. But there’s no denying that for me, Halloween II is much more entertaining than the first. It’s more of a straight up 80’s slasher movie, and I’m ok with that.  Michael Myers is way more brutal here as well – using scalpels, syringes, and hot tubs to dispose of his victims. Speaking of hot tubs…..oh my god, I just remembered why I love Halloween II so much!

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Well obviously I was alluding to the infamous hot tub scene where we get to see Pamela Susan Shoop’s near perfect breasts (ahhh screw it, they are perfect) – but I wanted to class up this post and show a pic of her looking innocent in her nurse’s outfit.  And speaking of nurse’s outfits, that is another thing that I love about Halloween II:  The hospital setting.  I don’t know why, but I find it creepy to have a maniac running (or walking briskly) around a conveniently desolate hospital.  If the hospital food doesn’t kill you, Michael Myers will.  Zing!  But anyway, thank you for letting me gush about my love for Halloween II.  Hopefully this year when you have your Halloween franchise marathon, you’ll appreciate this sequel even more and also appreciate Pamela Susan Shoop’s luscious hooters.  Shout out to Al Bundy.

So, ‘Halloween’ Is Returning In ‘Halloween Returns’?

Good news for all of you Michael Myers and Halloween fans who are also fans of the 1989 Wes Craven ‘so bad it’s good’ movie, Shocker!  It looks as though the upcoming reboot/redo, Halloween Returns, will indeed have Michael Myers on death row and being sent to the electric chair while two vengeful onlookers watch him about to die.  Horace Pinker, anyone?

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I have to say that even after the bad taste that was left in my mouth from Rob Zombie’s Halloween II (I actually didn’t mind the first one), I’m onboard with another Halloween reboot.  The good news is that as previously reported, it won’t be in 3D and looks to be a standalone entry as well.  Directed by Marcus Dunstan (The Collector, The Collection) and also written by him and Patrick Melton, this could surprisingly breathe new life into the franchise IF the following steps are properly taken:

–  Get a good mask.  At least the Rob Zombie films had that going for them. 

–  Don’t overthink the plot.  We don’t need any satanic cults running around this time.  We get it….Michael Myers is evil.  It doesn’t need to be overstated. 

–  Less is more.  Make it scary.  I’m all for bringing back the subtleness of Michael’s character (popping up in the background of shots, minimal but effect score, etc). 

–  No Jamie Lee Curtis cameos, please.  I love the woman, but her time in the Halloween franchise died when she did in that awful Halloween: Resurrection crapfest. 

– Speaking of that crapfest – no unnecessary rapper cameos.  My condolences to Busta Rhymes.

Let’s All Take A Moment And Laugh At Michael Myers……

What’s funnier than watching Michael Myers with blood in his eyes trying to swing a scalpel at Laurie Strode and Dr. Loomis at the end of the original Halloween II?  Not much really.

I know, I know.  I shouldn’t laugh at those who are less fortunate.  And an evil unstoppable killer with blurred vision is definitely less fortunate than someone with perfect 20/20.  Truth be told, I love this ending and I love the image of Michael Myers having the blood pouring out of his mask’s eye holes after Laurie shoots him.  But you can’t help but chuckle a little as he’s swinging his shiny instrument of death to and fro while wincing like a little girl (my apologies to any little girls who took offense to that comparison).  Yes – you are a bad ass, Michael Myers and I’m scared of you…..but the least you could do after murdering all of those people and ruining tons of lives is allow us a good laugh at your expense.  Thank you, kind sir.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Exploding Head’ From ‘Halloween – The Curse Of Michael Myers’ (1995)

An exploding head can always save a shitty horror movie.  Just ask Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers about that.  That’s right, the infamous 6th installment to the Halloween franchise is renowned for numerous on-set issues and unwanted studio involvement.  Luckily no one interfered with the exploding head scene though.

So on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m honoring the cranium collapse of John Strode (Bradford English) courtesy of Michael Myers and some electricity.  Michael was definitely pissed off in this movie, and an excessive exploding head is clearly evidence of that.  I actually just sat down and watched the infamous Producer’s Cut of this sequel that was restored to amazing quality in the new Halloween Complete Collection box set.  Color me impressed, because it actually kind of made the whole ridiculous underground cult storyline a little more acceptable.  But enough about that – let’s get on with the exploding head!

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Nurse Franco Scalpel Death’ From ‘Halloween II’ (1981)

Happy October, everybody!  And because it’s that time of the year when everyone is getting into the Halloween spirit, I’ll be focusing on Halloween-themed movies this month for Sunday Bloody Sunday.

First up, one of my favorite kill scenes from the Halloween franchise.  Is it bloody?  Nope.  It’s all about the subtlety of it all.  In 1981’s personally loved sequel, Halloween II, Nurse Franco (Tawny Moyer) goes running after Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) down the hospital hallway.  Oops though, she didn’t know Michael Myers was looking to have fun with his scalpel!  Well, it doesn’t end well for Nurse Franco, and the shot of her being raised off of the ground by Michael and his sharp shiny instrument of death is eerily breathtaking.

Dirty Horror Presents: The Hairiest Michael Myers Halloween Mask Ever

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This is good news if you’re looking for a Michael Myers mask with a nice Gene Simmons/Albert Einstein hybrid hairdo.  I suppose this mask is the envisionment of what Michael would look like had he skipped a few trips to the hair salon, so it’s somewhat accurate.  But regardless of that, it’s pretty terrible in a hairy kind of way.  I might buy one as a joke, but then I would just be contributing to the hairy terribleness.  For a cool $24.99 though, you can be the life and laughter of your upcoming Halloween party, so get on over to the Ebay post HERE and grab one because there are only 5 left!  Granted, there were only 5 to begin with, but I guess that’s irrelevant.