Rental Regrets: Scared Stiff (1987)

Much like that overstuffed burrito I just ate, I’m full of regrets.  Most would say I’m also full of something else, but regrets are what we’re talking about right now.  And I always had regrets back in my VHS-renting days of horror movies that I couldn’t quite pull the trigger on.  Enter into the mix the 1987 blockbuster Scared Stiff!  I figured if I threw the word ‘blockbuster’ in there that you would be more inclined to keep reading.

SCARED-STIFF

Ahhhh – look at that beauty.  How did I never rent this?  Oh I’m sure I just passed it by and rented Slumber Party Massacre II for the tenth time.  I’m always a sucker for good title font, and I actually kind of dig it here.  Reading the synopsis more closely, it looks as though the plot revolved around voodoo curses and slave owners.  Not exactly my cup of tea when I was a 13-year-old horror movie upstart, but I’m sure I could have taken a chance on it.  Looks as though Variety magazine was quoted as saying that Scared Stiff was “……..too explicit for the squeamish.”  What the hell, man?!  I love explicit things!  Only one way to settle this once and for all and see if I should finally watch it.  To the Youtube trailer!

Oh man.  I’m sold!  And it looks as though the only thing that’s really explicit is the bad acting.  And those terrible effects too.  This has ‘pack and bowl and watch’ written all over it.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Scared Stiff has probably not gotten the Blu-ray treatment thus far.  That’s ok, I’m sure I can find a watchable version on eBay.  Let me look……(do do do….do do do….do do do).  Ok, I’m back.  Didn’t find a VHS or DVD, but I did find THIS.  For those who don’t want to click the link, it’s a promotional paper weight for the film.  So……if you’ve ever wanted a Scared Stiff paper weight, there you go.

Rental Regrets: The Supernaturals (1986)

Back in the day, I was a VHS renting madman.  That sounds a lot more ominous than it is.  Basically, I’ve rented a lot of horror movies in my lifetime – more specifically from the 80’s and early 90’s when renting movies was actually a thing.  But there were always those movies that eluded me for one reason or another.  I could never quite pull the trigger and rent them.  And because of that, I’ve had regrets that haunt me in the deepest channels of my mind.  Maybe not that dramatic, but regrets can still be a bitch.  The next movie on the rental regrets list:  The Supernaturals.

THE-SUPERNATURALS

That’s still one of the best looking VHS covers of all time in my book.  So why didn’t I ever rent The Supernaturals?  Possibly because there wasn’t enough gore on the back of the box.  I do like my gore.  Or maybe because I was prejudice against Civil War zombies? Who knows.  The story itself sounded simple enough:  Rebels were slaughtered during The Civil War and over one hundred years later, those rebels come back to get revenge on the innocent descendants of their murderers.

The bad news is that The Supernaturals has never seen a proper DVD or Blu-ray release.  The good news is that the VHS rip of the film can be seen on Youtube if you search for it.  So guess who’s going to be watching that VHS rip while drinking a beer or two very soon?  This guy!  That’s right – I don’t want to hold onto these regrets for too long. If you’ve seen this movie, feel free to share your thoughts.  I do know that LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow and Star Trek: The Next Generation fame is in it.  But even more random is that Maurice Gibb of The Bee Gees is also in it.  The hell you say?  Oh wait – I have proof!

VHS Horror Movies I Wanted To Rent, But Never Did: Redneck Zombies (1987)

I grew up in a small farm town in Indiana.  For those of you who don’t know, Indiana is a Midwestern state with a lot of cornfields and rednecks.  Oh – and Larry Bird has a car dealership there somewhere too.  So naturally since I’m from an area that’s known to have redneck or two, a young boy who loved horror movies like me would obviously gravitate towards a movie called Redneck Zombies at my local video store, right?

redneck.zombies.vhs.s.a

They’re Tobacco Chewin’, Gut Chompin’, Cannibal Kinfolk From Hell!”  With a tagline like that, how the hell did I never rent this?!?  Not only that, but this rare gift was given to us by none other than Troma Entertainment.  Now, I very much enjoyed The Toxic Avenger in 1984, so what made me pass up renting Redneck Zombies back when I was obsessed with renting horror movies?  I wish I had a simple answer my friends.  I guess I was too busy watching Chopping Mall for the tenth time.

I think it’s finally time though….finally time to raise above the skepticism that I hold and sit down and give Redneck Zombies the viewing it so deserves.  I’ll take baby steps first and watch this clip up on Youtube where the word ‘bodacious’ is used to the best of it’s word ability: