Once in a while, a slasher film comes along that really gives me those funky 80’s slasher vibes. What is the criteria for that, you ask? Well…..hot girls, a lot of gore, and more hot girls! Luckily we had a movie give us that criteria in 2015, but a lot of you may not have seen it. It’s called Girl House. And yes, it has girls in it. See?
Oh sure, there are girls in Girl House. And really hot ones if I’m being completely honest. But what I really dug about the movie is that it doesn’t skimp on the gore either. Yes, it’s the typical ‘bullied kid grows up to get revenge and kill a bunch of people who bullied him‘ scenario, but Girl House is actually well done on a technical level. The practical effects hit the mark, and our killer named Loverboy is unapologetically brutal and brooding – exactly what a slasher villain should be! Any horror movie that isn’t afraid to be brutal to kids gets a ‘horror stamp of approval’ from me as well. See Exhibit A below:
Mean spirited? Yeah. But effective from a horror standpoint. I admire horror movies that come with fresh ideas and give us something that we haven’t seen before. But I also admire the horror movies that pay homage to a time when VHS copies of movies like Girl House were flying off the shelf at your local Mom & Pop rental stores. So seek out this underappreciated slasher if you can, especially if you’re into a lack of plot and lots of gore. Oh – and did I mention the hot girls? Yeah – lots of hot girls.
What’s the one thing that is most related to Halloween? No, not creepy old men who hand out strange candy to kids…..I’m talking about pumpkins! And what better movie to watch on Halloween night than a movie with the word pumpkin in it. Sorry Charlie Brown, not talking about you, but about the 1988 Stan Winston directed creature feature: Pumpkinhead.
I’ve always had a soft spot for this one, mostly due to Stan Winston’s amazing creature effects, but having Lance Henriksen in the movie doesn’t exactly hurt either. For required viewing on Halloween night, Pumpkinhead is a must. Just the overall feel of the movie, especially when Pumpkinhead himself starts exacting revenge for Ed Harley (Henriksen), perfectly captures that old school horror vibe. A simpler time before CGI ran rampant in every movie, it reminds me of the Universal Monster era and seems perfect to have on while you’re handing out candy to the little shits knocking at your door. It’s ok…..I used to be one of those little shits. So do yourself a favor and snatch Pumpkinhead off the shelf or off Netflix this Halloween and reminisce while sipping on some Pumpkin Ale this year!
*Visine: It gets the red out, but not the pitchfork*
Creepy dolls. Creepy possessions. Creepy 70’s clothing. If that ain’t enough creepy for you, then I don’t know what is! Time to keep this Halloween required viewing train chugging along, but not before we stop to pick up our next passenger: 2013’s, The Conjuring.
What’s that you say? A movie from 2013 made the required Halloween viewing list? Yep. Yessir. Yes Ma’am. And good news is that this nifty little throwback to old school horror comes out on DVD/Bluray on October 22nd, just in time for your Halloween night festivities! Long story short, I loved The Conjuring and if you want to read all about my gushing, head over to my review HERE. But I’m strictly talking here about why this movie is required to be viewed on Halloween night.
From the opening title sequence, The Conjuring screams ‘Halloween Night’. I just love that feeling I get when a horror movie knows what it’s doing and knows how to give an accurate homage. In fact, I encourage you to do a back-to-back viewing of this and the 1980 ghost story classic, The Changeling. Hmmmm. I just realized something. The Conjuring. The Changeling. The Conjuring. The Changeling. They sound alike! And it’s a bit of a tongue twister if you say them right after one another really fast. I’m getting a bit off track here, but the bottom line is that The Conjuring is a textbook spooky story that’s smarter than most movies of it’s kind.
Lots of jump scares and a lot of eye-numbing imagery make this one a must see this Halloween. Don’t worry, you can still get your fix of The Shape and Dr. Loomis’ trench coat, but in addition to that you need to make sure you give The Conjuring it’s deserved viewing. If you don’t, I’m going to have that creepy ass doll in the movie come track you down and hop into bed with you. Don’t think I can’t do it? Try me.
We’ve seen it all before. An evil house, a possessed family member, a paranormal team who helps perform an exorcism. But rarely do you get to see it done so well. Welcome to the already hyped (and deservedly so) spooky flick, The Conjuring. A movie that impressed me even more than I thought it would, but not just because it was downright scary and intense for most of the almost 2 hour runtime, but because it was smart. Yes, you read that right. A horror movie that is actually smart. I think I just saw a pig fly by. Continue reading →