Review: XX (2017)

Anthology films are like a box of chocolates…..you never know what you’re going to get. Unless of course you are eating a box of chocolates that has that little guide on it to show you what you’re going to get.  But anyway, anthology films (specifically horror movies) can be hit-or-miss.  Creepshow will forever be my favorite, but more recently the VHS franchise was the definition of being hit-or-miss as far as anthologies go.  Now comes along XX:  Four tales all directed by women that are intertwined with creepy stop-motion animation.  Will these gals go 4 for 4 or are we entering more hit-or-miss territory here? My money is on the latter unfortunately.    Continue reading

Review: Split (2017)

Alright everybody, I want you to meet Kevin!  And I also want you to meet Barry!  And also Patricia!  Oh, and also Hedwig!  And……Dennis!  Don’t worry, the room won’t get crowded because it’s all the same person.  Hooray for split personalities!  And hooray for the triumphant return of M. Night Shyamalan who is back and better than ever
with the new psychological horror film, Split.    Continue reading

Review: Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights Hollywood (2016)

Ahhhhh – another year and another trip to Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights in Hollywood!  When the news broke about the lineup of mazes this year, people were in a bit of a frenzy, and for good reason because a lot of your favorite horror icons were finally going to be on the same bill!  I’m talking Freddy, Jason, Michael, Leatherface, Krampus…..ok, maybe Krampus isn’t a horror icon, but we’ll get to him later on in the review.  The question is, would it all be worth it?  And would HHN jack the prices up even more this year?  Yes to both of those questions!  So let’s go from worst to first and get it going…..    Continue reading

Review: 31 (2016)

Let’s all go to the lobby…..Let’s all go to the lobby…..Let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat!  Delicious things to eat, the popcorn can’t be beat…..The sparkling drinks are just dandy, the chocolate bars and nut candy…..So let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat!  Why am I starting this review of Rob Zombie’s new movie 31 with lyrics from an old 50’s tune that you would hear play before a movie starts?  Beats the fuck outta me, but it’s more interesting than most of what’s going on in 31 unfortunately.   Continue reading

Review: Don’t Breathe (2016)

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Do you and your friends want to get into the business of robbing a house?  Do you want to make hundreds of thousands of dollars doing it?  Are you quick on your feet and able to escape the clutches of a vengeful blind man?  Do you have a fear of turkey basters?  If you answered yes to the first three questions and no to the second, then you’re ready to begin! And I’m now ready to begin my review of director Fede Alvarez’s second feature film, Don’t Breathe.   Continue reading

I Think I Showered Five Times After Watching ‘Baskin’……….

It was late at night last Saturday.  I had just finished eating some delicious nachos.  Now I needed something to quench my thirst on Netflix to wash down those tasty nachos. Scrolling through, I saw that the Turkish horror movie Baskin had been added to the list of movies.  “Oh joy!” I said to myself.  I had been wanting to see it, having heard and read pretty good things so far.  I remember watching the trailer, but honestly didn’t remember much other than that it looked visually striking and kind of fucked up.  Side note:  I kind of love kind of fucked up horror movies.  So I hit play and………………………………

My “Oh joy!” quote from earlier turned into “What the fuck did I just watch?“.  I felt dirty. Not in a sexual way of course, but in a way where I felt like I had actual dirt all over me and needed to get it off as soon as possible.  Can Evrenol, the director of Baskin, had just taken me on a visual journey that I feel like I wasn’t meant to see.  It was dark.  It was smelly.  And I’m not just talking about the storyline of the movie.  Yeah, the elephant in the room is that Baskin is borderline mind-blowing in the visual department.  But the story…..the story was almost too confusing for it’s own good.  I’m all for doing some actual thinking when I watch a horror movie, but I need to be able to make some kind of sense of it when I’m done.

Nevertheless, Baskin had me locked in from beginning to end.  And I dare you to watch the clip below (I actually triple dog dare you) and not want to go on Netflix right away and watch this sucker:

That creepy motherfucker in the clip is actor Mehmet Cerrahoglu.  As far as I can see, this is his first acting gig.  And holy creep balls, it was a memorable one.  Now again, I must warn you – Baskin is a pretty brutal movie to watch at times.  Especially if you’re shy on perverse scenes that are perverse for the sake of being perverse.  I just met my quota for using the word ‘perverse’.  We’re not into A Serbian Film territory here, but there are some unsettling things that you might wish your mind could get rid of.  Fun fact btw: There are actually some Baskin action figures for sale right HERE!  It seems this post had a mind of it’s own and kind of went the ‘review’ route when I didn’t really mean for it to, so fuck it – I’m going to rate Baskin below.  Go see it!

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(3 1/2 Out Of 5)

Review: ‘Guillermo del Toro: At Home With Monsters’ Traveling Exhibit (LACMA – Los Angeles)

One of my favorite visual directors in the last 20 years is without a doubt Guillermo del Toro.  I remember watching Cronos shortly after it came out in 1994, and I was blown away by not only his take on the vampire story, but also just the detail within the movie that he crafted behind the lens.  I was an immediate fan, and the fan in me grew as his filmography grew with The Devil’s Backbone, Pan’s Labyrinth, Blade II, and the Hellboy movies.

So I was obviously very excited to see that his traveling personal museum ‘Guillermo del Toro: At Home With Monsters‘ would be making a 4-month stop in Los Angeles at the LACMA.  Full of artwork, memorabilia, and props from both his movies and just his personal collection at his home – this was a feast for the eyes.  I felt like I needed a cigarette after seeing it.   Continue reading

Review: Midsummer Scream Halloween Festival (Long Beach, CA)

Halloween is only about 3 months away!  And if you can tell by the excitement in my voice (even though I wrote that and didn’t really speak it), then you know that I’m more than ready for all of the ghosts and ghouls to come out and inhabit their haunted houses.  Good thing that the Midsummer Scream Halloween Festival came to downtown Long Beach in California this weekend, because it definitely got me in the mood!

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The Midsummer Scream Halloween Festival is a brand new addition to the convention circuit, put on by folks who have experience in previous horror and Halloween festivals.  Being that I live in downtown Long Beach, how convenient was it that this was right up the street?  What makes Midsummer Scream different is that they have a huge section dedicated to local Southern California haunted houses, in mini form of course, so you can have a taste and see if you want to shell out the money for the real thing come Halloween time.

In addition to the bite-size editions of the haunted houses, there were tons of artists and vendors on hand selling their merchandise, stilt walkers and knee-sliders mingling with the crowd, and tasty Halloween-themed pastries.  Oh – and a few celebrities popped up like Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp) and David Naughton (An American Werewolf In London).  Being that this was the first year for Midsummer Scream, I would personally have to say it was a success (minus the wonky air conditioning in the convention center) and from the look of the crowd, it will return next year.  Now let’s end this with some sexy cosplay no-face nurses from Silent Hill!

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Review: Lights Out (2016)

As a kid, I do remember having a fear of the dark.  I had a special Donald Duck night light (it didn’t quack though) that I suppose was put in place to protect me against whatever I was fearful of.  Problem is, I wasn’t really afraid of anything in particular.  And certainly not a manipulative vengeful spirit with a rare skin disorder that survives in the dark named Diana.   Continue reading

Review: The Conjuring 2 (2016)

Pfffft.  Screw that new Ghostbusters movie coming out next week.  Ed and Lorraine Warren are the REAL ghostbusters and they’re all about busting up the fun that several nasty entities are having in the long awaited sequel to James Wans’ 2013’s stellar flick The Conjuring, appropriately titled The Conjuring 2.  The question on everyone’s mind when a horror sequel comes out is always whether or not it’s as good, or maybe even better, than the original.  And I’ve read some reviews calling this new incarnation ‘The best horror sequel ever!‘.  Well, as the great Harvey Keitel once said…..Let’s not go sucking each other’s dicks just yet.   Continue reading