Ah……The Conjuring Universe. It might not be as cool or hip as the Marvel Universe – but it’s still a thing. I dug the first two entries of The Conjuring. Did not dig Annabelle, but I have an unmistakable love for Annabelle: Creation. And so now in the world of horror spin-offs, we have The Nun aka Valak – who first terrified us in The Conjuring 2 and now gets the spotlight for her first movie focusing solely on the Valak character. So is she just as terrifying here as she was in The Conjuring 2? Ummm. No. Let us pray…….
I’m going to do something different with this review. I’m not going to get into the specifics of the storyline (dark shadows, creepy nuns, bad jump scares….rinse, repeat) – I’m going to rant about how they fucked this up so badly. You have a creeeeeepy character in Valak (god bless actress Bonnie Aarons for doing her best with what she was given here) and you choose to focus more on an exorcised kid and other nuns not named Valak. Adding insult to injury, Valak gets a terrible backstory involving Jesus’ blood (and an equally terrible ‘Holy shit’ joke) and the biggest sin: she’s barely given any screen time until almost the end of the movie (with a part in the middle involving Taissa Farmiga running from Valak being the effective exception).
Everything that should be spooky, creepy, frightening is stripped away here and dumbed down with non-effective jump scares. There are multiple moments in The Nun when you think a scene is going to pay off, and then as soon as it should………we cut to another scene and never revisit the previous. Oy. See, but here’s the thing – The Nun made over 50 million at the box office this weekend. So, I would imagine that a sequel will be on the way (after another Conjuring movie, and an Annabelle one, and another spin-off for The Crooked Man). You see…..money talks. And unfortunately at times (if not all of the time), that’s what matters to the studio. The Nun and the Valak character in general deserved way better than this. Perhaps the real creepiness of the character will be resurrected in the inevitable sequel. But until then…….Jesus wept.
Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter. And in the case of Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich, it’s definitely true! Oh how I’ve missed seeing little puppets slice and dice up unsuspecting and suspecting victims on the small screen (and big screen if you’re lucky to catch this one). But wait – a twist comes with this reboot of sorts of the Full Moon/Charles Band helmed Puppet Master franchise. Instead of the puppets killing Nazis in previous movies…….they ARE the Nazis in this new incarnation (or at least Nazi sympathizers)! And boy – they really don’t have a tolerance for much. Continue reading →
What says Christmas more than a 12-year-old boy that has a crush on his 17-year-old babysitter? Actually, that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas – but in the new holiday horror movie Better Watch Out, it sure does!
Have you heard the one about the evil clown named Pennywise that eats children and feeds off of their fears? I guess the punchline isn’t going to really be funny. Regardless, the wait is over and the revamped version of Stephen King’s IT movie has finally arrived in theaters! Part remake. Part redo. And all business. Literally, because it’s going to make a shit-ton of money on opening weekend (latest projection is around $130 million). But does this new incarnation of IT live up to the hype, and how does it compare to the original 1990 mini-series of the same name? The latter I won’t focus on too much, but the former I definitely will. Continue reading →
Crossing things of my bucket list is fun. And I got to cross another one off the other night when I finally saw Lamb Of God at The Forum in Los Angeles for the first time.
Been a fan for a while, so I was amped to see what they had in store for the LA crowd. And minus a few mic issues (f*cking sound guys) at the start of ‘Laid To Rest’ to open the show, the boys pummeled the crowd with 10 songs – raising the intensity with each one. Randy Blythe is a force onstage – and to me, that’s one of Lamb Of God’s strong points as a live band. The heavy riffs, the booming drums…..they’ll always be there. But it’s Randy’s energy and interaction with the crowd that makes the experience hit you even harder.
On the band’s closing song ‘Redneck‘, Randy encourages the crowd to get the biggest circle pit going that The Forum has ever fucking seen. And from my vantage point, they may have succeeded. Great show. Great energy. And oh yeah, Slayer was there too. HORNS UP!
It’s no secret that I love Halloween. So naturally, I was more than excited to see the return of the Midsummer Scream Halloween Festival to Long Beach, California last weekend! This was the second year for this particular event, and to be honest – it was bigger, better, and much spoooookier this time around. Continue reading →
There’s a debate raging in the world of horror right now! And that debate is whether or not the new horror film It Comes At Night was marketed in a deceivingly unfair way. I did a post about the original trailer a few months back and noted how creepy it looked (with accompanying creepy music as well). Now granted, the trailer did make it look like a lot more would be happening in the movie from an action standpoint…….but after watching the movie, you know what? I didn’t care about what the trailer may or may not have promised because I loved the movie anyway. Continue reading →
It’s that time again where I don’t have a lot of time to write full reviews for recent movies that I have had the pleasure of viewing, so I will sum each of them up in a few sentences of my thoughts. Sound good? Here we go! Continue reading →
If the last few ‘found footage’ horror movies have left a bad taste in your mouth (I’m looking at you Blair Witch), then there’s a little treat that I’m about to throw your way. And that treat is called The Dark Tapes! Continue reading →
Being that I’m a busy man (some sarcasm is implied there), I haven’t been keeping up on my reviews! For shame. Soooooooo – instead of boring everyone with long-winded summaries of what I thought of my recent watches, I’ll condense them and skip the bullshit. Let’s go! Continue reading →