Let’s all go to the lobby…..Let’s all go to the lobby…..Let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat! Delicious things to eat, the popcorn can’t be beat…..The sparkling drinks are just dandy, the chocolate bars and nut candy…..So let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat! Why am I starting this review of Rob Zombie’s new movie 31 with lyrics from an old 50’s tune that you would hear play before a movie starts? Beats the fuck outta me, but it’s more interesting than most of what’s going on in 31 unfortunately. Continue reading
(Start instructional video music)
Do you and your friends want to get into the business of robbing a house? Do you want to make hundreds of thousands of dollars doing it? Are you quick on your feet and able to escape the clutches of a vengeful blind man? Do you have a fear of turkey basters? If you answered yes to the first three questions and no to the second, then you’re ready to begin! And I’m now ready to begin my review of director Fede Alvarez’s second feature film, Don’t Breathe. Continue reading
It was late at night last Saturday. I had just finished eating some delicious nachos. Now I needed something to quench my thirst on Netflix to wash down those tasty nachos. Scrolling through, I saw that the Turkish horror movie Baskin had been added to the list of movies. “Oh joy!” I said to myself. I had been wanting to see it, having heard and read pretty good things so far. I remember watching the trailer, but honestly didn’t remember much other than that it looked visually striking and kind of fucked up. Side note: I kind of love kind of fucked up horror movies. So I hit play and………………………………
My “Oh joy!” quote from earlier turned into “What the fuck did I just watch?“. I felt dirty. Not in a sexual way of course, but in a way where I felt like I had actual dirt all over me and needed to get it off as soon as possible. Can Evrenol, the director of Baskin, had just taken me on a visual journey that I feel like I wasn’t meant to see. It was dark. It was smelly. And I’m not just talking about the storyline of the movie. Yeah, the elephant in the room is that Baskin is borderline mind-blowing in the visual department. But the story…..the story was almost too confusing for it’s own good. I’m all for doing some actual thinking when I watch a horror movie, but I need to be able to make some kind of sense of it when I’m done.
Nevertheless, Baskin had me locked in from beginning to end. And I dare you to watch the clip below (I actually triple dog dare you) and not want to go on Netflix right away and watch this sucker:
That creepy motherfucker in the clip is actor Mehmet Cerrahoglu. As far as I can see, this is his first acting gig. And holy creep balls, it was a memorable one. Now again, I must warn you – Baskin is a pretty brutal movie to watch at times. Especially if you’re shy on perverse scenes that are perverse for the sake of being perverse. I just met my quota for using the word ‘perverse’. We’re not into A Serbian Film territory here, but there are some unsettling things that you might wish your mind could get rid of. Fun fact btw: There are actually some Baskin action figures for sale right HERE! It seems this post had a mind of it’s own and kind of went the ‘review’ route when I didn’t really mean for it to, so fuck it – I’m going to rate Baskin below. Go see it!
(3 1/2 Out Of 5)
One of my favorite visual directors in the last 20 years is without a doubt Guillermo del Toro. I remember watching Cronos shortly after it came out in 1994, and I was blown away by not only his take on the vampire story, but also just the detail within the movie that he crafted behind the lens. I was an immediate fan, and the fan in me grew as his filmography grew with The Devil’s Backbone, Pan’s Labyrinth, Blade II, and the Hellboy movies.
So I was obviously very excited to see that his traveling personal museum ‘Guillermo del Toro: At Home With Monsters‘ would be making a 4-month stop in Los Angeles at the LACMA. Full of artwork, memorabilia, and props from both his movies and just his personal collection at his home – this was a feast for the eyes. I felt like I needed a cigarette after seeing it. Continue reading
Halloween is only about 3 months away! And if you can tell by the excitement in my voice (even though I wrote that and didn’t really speak it), then you know that I’m more than ready for all of the ghosts and ghouls to come out and inhabit their haunted houses. Good thing that the Midsummer Scream Halloween Festival came to downtown Long Beach in California this weekend, because it definitely got me in the mood!
The Midsummer Scream Halloween Festival is a brand new addition to the convention circuit, put on by folks who have experience in previous horror and Halloween festivals. Being that I live in downtown Long Beach, how convenient was it that this was right up the street? What makes Midsummer Scream different is that they have a huge section dedicated to local Southern California haunted houses, in mini form of course, so you can have a taste and see if you want to shell out the money for the real thing come Halloween time.
In addition to the bite-size editions of the haunted houses, there were tons of artists and vendors on hand selling their merchandise, stilt walkers and knee-sliders mingling with the crowd, and tasty Halloween-themed pastries. Oh – and a few celebrities popped up like Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp) and David Naughton (An American Werewolf In London). Being that this was the first year for Midsummer Scream, I would personally have to say it was a success (minus the wonky air conditioning in the convention center) and from the look of the crowd, it will return next year. Now let’s end this with some sexy cosplay no-face nurses from Silent Hill!
As a kid, I do remember having a fear of the dark. I had a special Donald Duck night light (it didn’t quack though) that I suppose was put in place to protect me against whatever I was fearful of. Problem is, I wasn’t really afraid of anything in particular. And certainly not a manipulative vengeful spirit with a rare skin disorder that survives in the dark named Diana. Continue reading
Pfffft. Screw that new Ghostbusters movie coming out next week. Ed and Lorraine Warren are the REAL ghostbusters and they’re all about busting up the fun that several nasty entities are having in the long awaited sequel to James Wans’ 2013’s stellar flick The Conjuring, appropriately titled The Conjuring 2. The question on everyone’s mind when a horror sequel comes out is always whether or not it’s as good, or maybe even better, than the original. And I’ve read some reviews calling this new incarnation ‘The best horror sequel ever!‘. Well, as the great Harvey Keitel once said…..Let’s not go sucking each other’s dicks just yet. Continue reading
When I first heard about the movie Bite, I was definitely intrigued and my interest grew steadily. I dig gross-out horror movies that involve bugs or people turning into bugs. And when the trailer arrived, my interest grew larger. And then the early reports of screenings came out where people were passing out and throwing up and my interest kept growing, and growing, and growing..…until it was ready to explode all over the….. Continue reading
Unsettling horror movies are about as fun as having a hamburger at Taco Bell. They can be a nerve-racking chore to sit through, but if they have a big money shot at the end – well then it’s alllllllllll worth it. Such is the case with the new horror/thriller The Invitation. It’s the type of movie that gets under your skin, pretty much from the beginning, and doesn’t decide to burrow out until the final 20 minutes. Continue reading
What’s a rapid review, you ask? A more condensed version of my original reviews of course. Duh. Ok – let’s go! 10 Cloverfield Lane – for those who don’t know, was originally a script called The Cellar. And that script sat on the shelf – until JJ Abrahms’ company got a hold of it, read it, and decided to modify it to be a loose ‘sequel’ to 2008’s Cloverfield.
Ok, so we’ve got Mary Elizabeth Winstead who plays Michelle, a girl on the run from a relationship who gets in a bad car crash, wakes up in a bunker of sorts chained to a bed. Then comes John Goodman who plays Howard, a peculiar ‘Doomsday’ preparer who built the shelter in case of a nuclear fallout or worse. Rounding out our threesome is John Gallagher Jr. who plays Emmett – a guy who helped Howard build the bomb shack and a guy who’s not as dumb as Howard makes him out to be. And all three of these happy campers are living underground in a pretty sweet bunker, while some not so sweet shit’s going down up above them.
What’s going on? That depends who you ask. Howard insists it’s war – but with who? The Russians? Aliens? Pffft. Aliens. Yeah right. Howard is intense and he likes to clench his fists at the dinner table and is terrible at board games. Michelle and Emmett try and figure out whether or not he’s telling the truth about why they have to be down there. Howard is happy, angry, sad, and likes to dance by the jukebox. Is he crazy? Sane? Rhythmically challenged? Therein lies the beauty of 10 Cloverfield Lane and why I loved it. It’s a guessing game with more twists than Chubby Checker. Geez, that was bad.
The acting is aces and John Goodman theoretically should get an award nod for his performance. The first 3/4 of the movie is a tense mixture of a Twilight Zone episode with a little nod to Hitchcock. And spoiler alert: The last section does involve some aliens to tie everything together to Cloverfield, but it is a bit abrupt and awkward. Nevertheless, as with a lot of other people, 10 Cloverfield Lane (still hate that name though) is THE surprise movie for me in 2016 so far. And good god that sound design nearly made me piss myself a few times. Any film that nearly makes me urinate uncontrollably deserves an extra Dirty Horror head in their final score. Go see it!
(4 out of 5)