The Jewfro. A hairstyle that not many could pull off. A hairstyle that can be a bit distracting. And a hairstyle that’s pretty self-explanatory: A Jewish person that has an afro. And in 1982, one man brought this hairstyle to the forefront in the third entry of the Friday The 13th franchise. Behold! Shelly and his tantalizing Jewfro!
Ok. Maybe not the best picture to accentuate it, but you get the idea. Shelly sure was a jokester and pretty ticklish as was evident in the scene above, but none of his friends in Friday The 13th Part III ever joked with him about his curly mop on top. Sure they made fun of him for being annoying and slightly overweight, but his hair was off limits. That’s obviously because of how glorious it was. And quite practical too. Imagine all of the great things he could hide in there! A stapler. His wallet. A jar of vaseline. The possibilities are endless.
So today we honor you Shelly (inspirational music starts to play), and your Jewfro that unknowingly became your sidekick up until you got your throat slit by Jason and had your hockey mask stolen. There will never be another one quite like yours, and you will forever remain on top of that horror movie Jewfro mountain that so few people inhabit (music swells and ends with a big over the top crescendo).
Like fingernails on the chalkboard, these are the horror movie characters that you wish would just shut the f*ck up. I kind of tried to do a “these are the Days Of Our Lives” thing there, but it didn’t quite pan out like I wanted. Anyhow, time for another edition of Shut The F*ck Up, where I give my two cents on characters that needed to either be gagged with a sock or killed off much earlier in their movie that they acted in. To no one’s real surprise who has seen 2003’s Wrong Turn, the character of Carly is literally up on the chopping block this time.
*don’t worry – I’m just going to massage your throat*
Played by Emmanuelle Chriqui, most famous probably for her stint on the HBO series Entourage, Carly is the annoying friend that pretty much every horror movie has. But, the annoying factor is raised soooooooo high with her that even Shelly from Friday The 13th Part 3 is sitting there comfortably observing with a smile. She whines. And then whines some more. And whimpers. Then decides that she has some more whining left in the tank. Even after her courageous boyfriend (Jeremy Sisto) gives his life by way of bow and arrows for her, she still manages to stumble around and slow down Jessie (Eliza Dushku). Even her stumbling is annoying.
*did you just rip one and play it off like you didn’t?*
It’s a performance for the ages. A performance that resinates so many eye rolls from the audience and obscenities thrown at the screen until finally….finally Carly meets her demise. Coincidence that her head is sliced in half by way of her mouth? I think not. Yes she’s hot and yes, we may have fantasized about a hot lesbian make out session between her and Jessie while they were in the old watchtower. But hotness only gets you so far in life and an ear grating tongue trumps all in the end. So here’s to you Carly from 2003’s Wrong Turn. May you shut the f*ck up in peace now.