Did You Pick Up Your ‘Smiley’ DVD Yet?

What?  You didn’t?  Then run, don’t walk, over to Amazon and do it now!  And it’s only $9.99!  Slightly $9.98 more than it should be.  What a bummer that this movie didn’t get a proper release on Blu-ray by the way.  I’m sure that all of the shittiness would really pop off the screen to amazing, mind-altering results. Those involved with the film probably just want to make the fans really wait in anticipation for the Blu-ray release though, because that’s what happens with truly great movies.  If you go over to Amazon right now to order, you can look at all of the glowing reviews that Smiley is getting and hear what all of the newfound fans are saying about it!  Such as:

An amazing movie. Tones of suspence and favorite youtubers.

It could be better, but what movie couldn’t?

I watched it, and it was the worst horror film I’ve ever seen, if you watch it, it’s your funeral.

I had it ordered, then after I watched it, I immediately canceled the order.

How they roped Keith David in, I will never understand, he deserves better than this.

Wow.  The fans really are loving Smiley and some really need to learn how to spell too.  As previously mentioned in another Dirty Horror post, Smiley star Caitlin Gerard really has taken her fame to new heights after this movie and is now silently pushing the new McDonald’s Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger in a fun-filled commercial.  Go Caitlin!

Smiley…..Will You Be My Valentine?

Ok guys, it’s that time of the year again when that special lady in your life is expecting something to really pull at her heart strings and make her weak at the knees.  Yes, Valentine’s Day is upon us and the good news for you is that I’m about to save your ass and give you a gift idea that will certainly guarantee some sweet baby-making action when February 14th arrives.  Get ready to click the link below because you can now pre-order the movie event from last year that will soon be the DVD event of this year!  Oh fuck it – let’s just get the joke over with:  the Smiley DVD is coming out on February 12th and you can order it HERE!

Yes, that’s right current McDonald’s commercial star Caitlin Gerard, Smiley is finally coming to your favorite DVD player and hopefully your DVD player won’t blow up when you play the movie.  And it’s chock full of bonus features like a making of featurette, deleted scenes (more torture, yay!), and of course, music highlights.  Ummmmm…..what?  Music highlights?  Ok.  Sure.  Whatever.  And the best part is that it’s only $9.99!  What a steal – is what I would say if this movie wasn’t complete shit.  You know what, I changed my mind.  Don’t go this route for your Valentine’s gift gentlemen.  Go the safe route and get her some delicious meat in the shape of a heart.  She’ll love that.

On February 12th, 2013….You Can Own A Piece Of Cinematic Horror History….

There are only a few times throughout your life where you can say that you were there to witness and be a part of a truly momentous day.  Perhaps you were alive for the first landing on the moon in 1969.  Or were able to join in the celebration of the Berlin Wall falling with David Hasselhoff in 1990.  Both significant moments in history.  But on February 12, 2013….our world as we know it will gain something so important, so groundbreaking, so horrible, that it will set a high ceiling for all other big announcements to come in the future. Prepare yourself.  Smiley is coming to DVD!

*didn’t I tell you to shut your mouth in the last three Smiley posts?*

I know what you’re saying – if I survive the Mayan Apocalypse on December 21st, how will I be able to wait all the way until February 12th for the greatest cinematic horror experience to ever grace my DVD player?  It will be tough.  I know.  But try and be strong.  There are more like you, and you’re more than welcome to attend any of the many Smiley group counseling sessions around the country and world.  Most are in these counseling groups to try and erase the horribleness that Smiley imprinted on their brains, but there are some I’m sure that are there coping with the anticipation of Smiley’s DVD release date of February 12th, 2013.  Mark it on your calendars ladies and gentleman.  Happiness and an awful movie are upon us.

*inhale some acting skills while you’re at it*