Ugh. I’ve been neglecting my blog. I’m sorry, baby……I promise I’ll take better care of you and shower you with my witty sarcasm and pointless posts about 80’s horror movies. But first, how about some reviews! Considering I have actually been watching some of the current crop of horror movies, I figured I’d share my brief thoughts on some. Emphasis on ‘brief’. Let’s go!
Back in the late 80’s, I was in full horror movie swing. Two-fisting rentals from my local video store, I would have marathons with everything I was renting, and take the occasional break to masturbate. Too much info? I was coming of age, so deal with it. Already at that moment in my life where I scoffed at PG and PG-13 horror movies, I would usually go straight for the ‘Rated R’ flicks and steer clear of those made for the “kiddies”. However, there were actually quite a few PG and PG-13 rated horror movies back then that were worthy of my eyes (Critters comes to mind), but only one really creeped me out and still does to this day. And that would be……….The Gate!
The Gate is one of those horror movies that feels like it’s Rated R, but it’s not. There’s goop, slime, blood, zombies, little demons, bigger demons, and satanic rock albums – but on a level that was able to grant the movie a PG-13 rating in 1987. The old man zombie always creeped me out when he busts through the wall, and then through a mirror before falling to the ground and bursting into a bunch of the little demons. But the other scene that gets under my skin is when the kids discover the dead dog (with tongue hanging out to boot) and Glen (Stephen Dorff) goes to the front door of the house to see his parents greeting him outside.
That scene made me never want to be bad as a kid anymore, for fear that my Dad would grab me by the neck if I did and say “You’ve been bad!!!“. I’d feel bad if I had to gouge his demon head out with my hands though, and have his slimy insides get all over me while my Mom laughed in the background. But yeah, that scene still creeps me out and the movie as a whole (even though some of it hasn’t aged well) still is as enjoyable as it was for me back in 1987. Could this possibly be ready for a remake or reboot? I’m looking at you Stephen Dorff. You don’t really have anything going on.