Tag Archives: the conjuring

Review: The Nun (2018)

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Ah……The Conjuring Universe.  It might not be as cool or hip as the Marvel Universe – but it’s still a thing.  I dug the first two entries of The Conjuring.  Did not dig Annabelle, but I have an unmistakable love for Annabelle: Creation.  And so now in the world of horror spin-offs, we have The Nun aka Valak – who first terrified us in The Conjuring 2 and now gets the spotlight for her first movie focusing solely on the Valak character.  So is she just as terrifying here as she was in The Conjuring 2?  Ummm.  No.  Let us pray…….

I’m going to do something different with this review.  I’m not going to get into the specifics of the storyline (dark shadows, creepy nuns, bad jump scares….rinse, repeat) – I’m going to rant about how they fucked this up so badly.  You have a creeeeeepy character in Valak (god bless actress Bonnie Aarons for doing her best with what she was given here) and you choose to focus more on an exorcised kid and other nuns not named Valak. Adding insult to injury, Valak gets a terrible backstory involving Jesus’ blood (and an equally terrible ‘Holy shit’ joke) and the biggest sin:  she’s barely given any screen time until almost the end of the movie (with a part in the middle involving Taissa Farmiga running from Valak being the effective exception).

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Everything that should be spooky, creepy, frightening is stripped away here and dumbed down with non-effective jump scares.  There are multiple moments in The Nun when you think a scene is going to pay off, and then as soon as it should………we cut to another scene and never revisit the previous.  Oy.  See, but here’s the thing – The Nun made over 50 million at the box office this weekend.  So, I would imagine that a sequel will be on the way (after another Conjuring movie, and an Annabelle one, and another spin-off for The Crooked Man).  You see…..money talks.  And unfortunately at times (if not all of the time), that’s what matters to the studio.  The Nun and the Valak character in general deserved way better than this.  Perhaps the real creepiness of the character will be resurrected in the inevitable sequel.  But until then…….Jesus wept.

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(1 Out Of 5)

Review – Annabelle: Creation (2017)

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It’s hard to believe that The Conjuring spinoff flick called Annabelle came out almost 3 years ago.  It seems like just yesterday that I was throwing tomatoes at the screen and yelling obscenities after watching that atrocity.  But, I have good news!  A prequel to that very movie called Annabelle: Creation has arrived and……….wait for it…………..it’s good!!!  Oh – and pretty fucking scary too.   Continue reading →

Review: Annabelle (2014)

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Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

Oh – sorry…..I fell asleep watching Annabelle and I think I just woke up.  Let me go watch it again and I’ll get back to you with the review.

Ok – done!  I know, I know….I’m about 2 weeks late with a review for this movie, but good things come to those who wait.  Unfortunately, no good things came to me from watching this piece of crap and I’ll share my thoughts on that now.    Continue reading →

On The Fence Horror: Annabelle (2014)

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F*ck creepy dolls.  There, I said it.  Now because I’ve said it, I’ll probably be murdered in my sleep by Rosemary – my very own personal creepy doll that you can read about HERE.  When I watched The Conjuring last year, I was kind of hoping for a spin-off featuring Annabelle, the cute murderous pig-tailed doll who wears too much blush.  Well, the studio didn’t waste any time because the Annabelle movie raced into production to meet it’s October 3rd release date, and the teaser trailer was released yesterday!

Ok – I have to say that I’m on the fence now.  Yes, the Annabelle doll is possibly worth the price of admission alone.  And yes, this will be coming out in time for Halloween which in my opinion is a better option than a new Paranormal Activity movie.  But something seems a bit rushed and desperate with this one.  The acting in the teaser trailer is suspect, and the acting in The Conjuring was one of the elements that made that movie so strong. Also, Annabelle was written by Gary Dauberman, who gave us such Syfy Channel worthy movies like Blood Monkey and Swamp Devil.

My main concern is that if this does suck, it will taint the success and admiration of The Conjuring.  I think you can see why I’m on the fence here, but I can assure you that I’m not completely out.  My expectations are a bit low, and It’s good to go into a movie like this with those low expectations, because the payoff can be even more sweet.  So, stayed tuned for more info and trailers on Annabelle as they come in and mark your calendars for October 3rd!

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Gulp…..I’m A Little Worried About ‘Insidious: Chapter 2’

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I hate when I get like this, but I’m starting to get the shakes.  Not the good kind of shakes that you get when you’re about to bite into a delicious double cheeseburger after you’ve been hungry all day, but the kind of shakes you get when you feel you’re about to be let down by a new horror movie.  Oh those are the worst, aren’t they?  I was damn near convulsing before I saw the Nightmare On Elm Street remake and now I’m getting that same feeling for Insidious: Chapter 2.

*Wake up! You’re missing The Golden Girls marathon!*

Look….I dug Insidious and recently re-watched it.  Was I blown away the first time I saw it?  Not particularly, but I jumped a few times and thought it had an overall great “creep” factor.  Still think the daytime scene of the little boy dancing in the living room to “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” is as good as scary daytime scenes come in a horror movie.  When the sequel was announced, it was a predictable announcement, but I understood it.  And when I heard that it would immediately pick up after the first one, I was even more intrigued (I hate sequels that just start 5 years later or never even acknowledge the original).  Then I saw the first trailer and it just felt so…..I don’t know…..forced?

*I’ll take a box of Thin Mints and one box of Samoas please*

James Wan knows horror and he’s proven that, especially with this year’s triumph, The Conjuring.  I don’t doubt his abilities as a filmmaker at all, especially in the horror genre, but what I do doubt after viewings of TV spots and trailers is that Insidious: Chapter 2 needed to be made at all.  Like I said earlier, forced seems to be the best way to describe my feelings towards it and overall, it looks like a complete rehash from the original.  I’ve also read that there’s more comedy in this one, which is what I didn’t like about Insidious when the bumbling paranormal team shows up.  Skip the comedy and give me the horror!

*They’re called breath mints….*

Early buzz from screenings isn’t great, which is even more of a letdown.  I am however going to remain optimistic and hope that James Wan has enough tricks up his sleeve to put a grin on my face and walk out of the theater with a full tummy of horror goodness.  For the record, the Darth Maul looking red demon from Insidious didn’t bother me like it did most.  What did bother me was the guy in the leather trench coat with the long hair.  Ugh.  Hopefully the old pervy “He’s got your baby!” guy from the trailer replaces trench coat guy in Insidious: Chapter 2.  It’s the little things in life that matter most.