Required Halloween Viewing: The Funhouse (1981)

Sorry to burst your bubble Michael Myers, but you’re not the only required viewing on Halloween night.  Granted, I’ll be watching my fair share of the Halloween franchise leading up to and on October 31st, but it’s not the only game in town that sets the mood for All Hallows’ Eve.  Isn’t that right Tobe Hooper’s 1981 underrated slasher, The Funhouse?

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Easily one of my favorite guilty horror pleasures ever, this movie screams Halloween night viewing.  It even has an opening scene that pays homage to the 1978 John Carpenter classic!  And it’s just as incestuous as well.  But incest aside, The Funhouse is definitely fun.  Sorry for my lazy writing, but it’s Monday so give me a break.  I myself love the old school dark rides that you’d find at amusement parks and creepy small town carnivals, so I was immediately in just based off of that alone.

The Funhouse is definitely a slow burn horror movie, but while it’s burning you get rewarding things like:  actor Kevin Conway taking on three separate roles, a big giant fat laughing lady that sits atop the funhouse attraction, a creepy Frankenstein mask wearing creature that has equally creepy make-up effects underneath that mask courtesy of legendary artist Rick Baker, and four stupid teens who think it’ll be ok to spend the night in a carnival ride.

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At the end of the day, The Funhouse doesn’t reinvent anything when it comes to the horror genre, but in it’s own special way it separates itself from the slasher herd.  The money shot doesn’t disappoint when The Monster reveals himself before strangling the big breasted fortune teller to death – and from there on out it really becomes a nifty little ‘cat and mouse’ game.  A horror movie is usually only as good as it’s villain, and in The Funhouse the combo of The Monster and Funhouse Barker take on that role and satisfy those who watch in the process.  So do yourself a favor this Halloween and give this ‘little slasher movie that could’ a shot.  You could do a lot worse.  Right, Halloween: Resurrection?

FUNHOUSE, THE

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Death By Bees On The Toilet’ From ‘Sleepaway Camp’ (1983)

What’s worse than being on the shitter and finding out that you don’t have any toilet paper?  Being on the shitter and having a homicidal woman with a penis unleash a bunch of angry bees upon you.

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m putting 1983’s loveable slasher flick Sleepaway Camp in the spotlight.  More specifically, the scene where our sneaky transgendered killer disrupts Billy’s private time on the toilet with a swarm of bees.  Let’s just say that if poor Billy was having a nasty bout of constipation, that was quickly about to be the least of his worries.

Horror Hijinks: The Guy Who Ate The Quarter In ‘C.H.U.D.’ (1984)

I think we’ve all probably tried different diets throughout our life to help get our bodies a little thinner.  But did you know that one of the secret remedies to lose weight is eating quarters?  It’s true!  Just ask this random guy in a Lacoste polo shirt from the 1984 horror flick, C.H.U.D.

Not only did he chow down on that dirty quarter from the payphone, he proceeded to have a not-so-intimidating staring contest with Daniel Stern afterwards.  Definitely a true WTF moment and one that belongs in a movie like C.H.U.D. for sure.  How hard do you think it is to pass a quarter after you eat it btw?

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Elderly Babysitter Death’ From ‘The Fog’ (1980)

There’s nothing worse than watching an old person bite the dust in a horror movie.  Well, there might be worse things actually, but old people dying in horror movies can really put a damper on an otherwise good day.  So on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m paying tribute in a way to our favorite elderly babysitter from John Carpenter’s underrated classic, The Fog.  That’s right, come on up to the podium and say a few words, Mrs. Kobritz!

Ahhh, that’s right.  She can’t come up and say a few words because she got hacked to death by a bunch of zombie ghost pirates.  We can however, honor her memory and remember her for the brave, yet somewhat stupid, babysitter that she was.  Only out to protect Andy as she shooed him away to his room after a knock at the door, Mrs. Kobritz took her final steps out into the dense fog before being pounced on by the zombie ghost pirates.  Going out like a true babysitter soldier, Mrs. Kobritz will forever be a bright light in The Fog.  (cue up “Wing Beneath My Wings”)