Have you ever been in your gym having a nice workout and wondered if it was possessed? Maybe the bad body odor going through the air can play tricks on your mind, making you think that something is controlling everyone’s smelly armpits. Well, I’m here to tell you that your gym probably isn’t haunted. But in the 1989 horror movie Death Spa (also awesomely known as Witch Bitch), there is a haunted gym/spa and it’s killing people in fun ways!
Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday, where I am indeed highlighting the movie Death Spa. A first-time watch for me recently, this movie is pure 80’s horror cheesy greatness. How I let this one slip by me for this long is beyond me. And one of the things that makes it great, besides the 80’s aerobic outfits and multiple boob sightings, are some inventive kills. Case in point, the one below where a woman is literally torn apart by a shattering mirror. But don’t take my word for it – click below to see, and do yourself a favor and watch the whole movie. And horror favorite Ken Foree is in it too!
Happy 4th Of July, everybody! And what better way to celebrate this joyous day than with a potato sack race. Oh sure, nobody really does potato sack races anymore – but they did back in 1996 in the horror movie Uncle Sam! And what a potato sack race it was. There were thrills, chills, tumbles, and beheadings. Just how every potato sack race should be. I feel like I’m saying potato sack race a lot. Hey guess what? Issac Hayes was in this movie. Now here’s a clip of the world famous potato sack race that I constantly keep mentioning:
Quick! What’s one of the best ‘creature feature’ horror movies to come out in the last 10 years? If you just shouted out Splinter, then you win! You actually win nothing, except for some much needed self-esteem for the day possibly. But yes, one of my favorite ‘creature feature’ movies in some time is Splinter, a 2008 offering that introduced us to actor Shea Whigham (Boardwalk Empire) and also introduced on how to cut off someone’s arm with a box cutter and cinder block.
To be completely honest, it takes a lot in a movie to make me wince like a child. And this scene definitely makes me do that. It could possibly be the sawing back and forth on the arm with the box cutter…..or possibly the final blow with the cinder block that gets to me. Either way, it’s an effective gross-out scene and one that deserves multiple viewings if you’re into torturing yourself. This most likely did wonders for box cutter sales at Home Depot btw.
Ho-Ho-Ho!! Santa isn’t done bringing you presents yet! And man oh man, do I have good news for any of you little boys and girls out there that were asking for a promotional tool kit from the 2008 killer plant movie, The Ruins!
That’s right – everything you need to fend off those pesky plant vines that try to burrow into your body and under your skin and make you horribly disfigure yourself to try and get them out: A compass! A flashlight! And something that kind of looks like a switchblade! Truth be told, I kind of admire The Ruins and it’s one of the only horror movies that makes me “squirm”. If you want to own this ultra-rare promotional tool kit from the movie, then head on over to the eBay listing HERE and either ‘Buy It Now’ or ‘Make An Offer’. You’ll be glad you have this the next time a vine is rubbing up next to you trying to make a move.
Back in the day, I was a VHS renting madman. That sounds a lot more ominous than it is. Basically, I’ve rented a lot of horror movies in my lifetime – more specifically from the 80’s and early 90’s when renting movies was actually a thing. But there were always those movies that eluded me for one reason or another. I could never quite pull the trigger and rent them. And because of that, I’ve had regrets that haunt me in the deepest channels of my mind. Maybe not that dramatic, but regrets can still be a bitch. The next movie on the rental regrets list: The Supernaturals.
That’s still one of the best looking VHS covers of all time in my book. So why didn’t I ever rent The Supernaturals? Possibly because there wasn’t enough gore on the back of the box. I do like my gore. Or maybe because I was prejudice against Civil War zombies? Who knows. The story itself sounded simple enough: Rebels were slaughtered during The Civil War and over one hundred years later, those rebels come back to get revenge on the innocent descendants of their murderers.
The bad news is that The Supernaturals has never seen a proper DVD or Blu-ray release. The good news is that the VHS rip of the film can be seen on Youtube if you search for it. So guess who’s going to be watching that VHS rip while drinking a beer or two very soon? This guy! That’s right – I don’t want to hold onto these regrets for too long. If you’ve seen this movie, feel free to share your thoughts. I do know that LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow and Star Trek: The Next Generation fame is in it. But even more random is that Maurice Gibb of The Bee Gees is also in it. The hell you say? Oh wait – I have proof!
There have been a few horror movies throughout my life that have come highly recommended to me. So naturally I get comfortable, watch them, and for the most part I end up highly recommending them to someone else. I like to pay it forward. But sometimes, one of those highly recommended horror movies ends up stumping my brain to the point that I don’t really see what all of the fuss is about. Such was the case when I first sat down with the 1994 Italian horror/comedy Cemetery Man aka Dellamorte Dellamore (which is a much better title in my opinion).
Now don’t go grabbing your torches and pitchforks just because I didn’t quite get into Cemetery Man the first time I watched it. I know it has a strong cult following, and I know it has Rupert Everett in it and he’s a well respected actor. And honestly, I love the horror/comedy concept – but considering I saw Dead Alive before I saw Cemetery Man, I’m thinking that my expectations may have been a tad high since Dead Alive blew me away as far as horror comedies go. Rat monkeys and karate priests are hard to top.
Considering the amount of horror crap I’ve watched though in the 15 some odd years since my first viewing of Dellamorte Dellamore (again, I like this title more), I guess I should kind of be ashamed that I haven’t rewatched it since. Fear not though! I do want to revisit it, and want to revisit it soon. I just need some motivation. Something that I can hold onto. Something that stands out. Something round and supple that will definitely make me want to watch this movie again……..
(Sexy synthy 80’s music starts playing) Alright guys, and some girls, it’s time to take a trip back to 1984’s campy classic Night Of The Comet. And no, I’m not here to talk about the fact that this movie is still heavily underrated. I’m here to talk sexy hair. And not just any sexy hair. I’m here to talk about THIS sexy hair!
Hell yeah. That right there is Kelli Maroney, who played Samantha in the movie and battled post-apocalyptic zombies with a machine gun. If you haven’t seen Night Of The Comet, then hopefully that last sentence sold you on doing so. I know I’m not alone at having a crush on Samantha in her pink and blue cheerleader outfit, but just try and focus on the hair for now. It does look a little mangy, and I could see myself maybe getting my hand stuck in it – but you can’t deny that it’s glorious and about as 80’s as 80’s hair can get. So because of that, it gives me great honor to induct Samantha into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now let’s direct our focus back onto the cheerleader outfit.
You would think that being a farmer would have it’s advantages…..like being able to eat corn whenever you want or ride a tractor at night just for the fuck of it. But farming isn’t all unlimited delicious fruit and games. Sometimes, if you’re not careful – a storm will come and unleash a suspicious glowing force onto your farm and your family. And then you’ll turn into a bunch of pus-faced monsters and that’s never good. Oh – and your fruit and vegetables will have worms in them too. Bummer!
I have to give it up to the 1987 underrated gem, The Curse. I was pretty confident that I would never be creeped out by a horror movie that took place on a farm. But dammit if this didn’t give me the creeps as a kid and still does today. Thanks to The Curse, I always hesitate slightly before biting into an apple. Fun fact btw: I actually did bite into an apple when I was younger and it was full of worms. That was before this movie, but maybe it was a prophecy that I would some day see a movie that would make me revisit my fear of wormy apples. Whatever the case, The Curse is definitely one of those little horror movies that has some big creepy moments. And it has John Schneider from The Dukes Of Hazzard to boot! Check out the clip below to see some of the aforementioned creepiness:
2015 has surprisingly been a pretty solid year for horror movies so far, especially the crop of independent entries like It Follows and We Are Still Here. One of my most anticipated indie horror offerings has been Creep, the latest addition to the found-footage craze. I’m a bit nauseated with that whole subgenre, but I was hoping Creep would act as my Pepto-Bismul and make me feel better. And you know what? It did! Continue reading →
One of my favorite surprising horror sequels of all time is Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II from 1987. It easily surpassed the original Prom Night in my opinion even though it didn’t have Leslie Nielsen, Jamie Lee Curtis in a bra, or a fantastic disco soundtrack. The sequel had something that the original couldn’t even come close to though: a horny rocking horse.
Yeah, that was pretty disturbing. And I’m not talking about the old man make-out session. Putting something like a horny rocking horse with a big tongue in a horror movie was pretty much the norm when it came to 80’s horror. Which is yet another reason why I miss that era. Sigh. Thankfully, we have avenues like Youtube to relive those magical times. It’s too bad the horny rocking horse didn’t ever get a spin-off movie. It would have been tremendous.