Rental Regrets: Junior (1985)

Here we go with one of my favorite recurring posts about VHS horror movies that I wish I would have rented, but never did.  Now – there is one movie that always sticks out in my head that I passed over in my many trips to my local Mom & Pop video stores in the 80’s. The cover was enticing.  The tagline was even more enticing.  But yet I wasn’t enticed enough to ever rent it.  And that movie is……………Junior!

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Sorry for the subpar quality pic – it’s the best that Google Images could offer.  But anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the VHS copy of Junior and put it down.  The artwork is actually pretty sweet considering this was 1985.  The burning boat in the background is intriguing as well because it makes me want to know why the boat is on fire and who is in the boat when it’s on fire.  Genius marketing on their part.  Considering I still haven’t seen Junior, I have no real clue as to what it’s about other than that it’s going for the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-off‘ gold.  Good thing we have IMDB to clarify about the plot:

K.C. and Jo are two hardened female ex-cons who decide to build a marina on a lake in backwoods Texas to start a life for themselves, only to be hassled by the redneck locals who do not like outsiders, and that the lakeshore is their own regular hangout. But K.C. and Jo’s worst troubles come from Junior, a slow-witted psycho redneck who gets the ok from his equally demented mother to kill the two. 

Oooooh – two hardened female ex-cons, huh?  I see Caged Heat potential sex going on here.  And what a shocker – redneck locals who don’t like outsiders and a psycho redneck with a psycho mother.  Nevertheless…………….oh wait – BREAKING JUNIOR NEWS! Here’s another poster that popped up on Google Images:

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Ehhhhhhh.  I’ll stick with the original artwork.  As much as I love seeing Junior in his wife beater overcompensating for his probable small penis with his large chainsaw, the original cover art is far superior.  And how the hell do you leave ‘The‘ out of ‘Friday The 13th‘ at the top of the poster?  Nice touch using the chainsaw as an ‘I’ in the title though.  For those curious about this movie (and how the hell could you not be?), there’s a full version up on Youtube.  Let’s all waste an hour and a half of our lives together and see what kind of wacky situations Junior gets himself in…….

Anticipation Alert: V/H/S 3 – Viral (2014)

Ok V/H/S horror franchise…..you sunk your hooks into me and now we’re attached for good.  And I kind of like it.  2012 introduced us to the first V/H/S movie with mixed results, but overall I was fairly pleased with the final product. Then in 2013, the necessary sequel V/H/S/2 gave us more of the same, with the gigantic highlight being ‘Safe Haven‘ from Gareth Evans.  So this year, of course we have to get another dose of the found-footage goodness and this time it’s apparently going viral.  I’m just guessing because the next installment is called V/H/S 3: Viral.  And here’s the new teaser trailer!

So after watching all of those quick jump cuts edited together, there appears to be a story involving magicians and that really intrigues me.  Overall, the trailer definitely impressed me and stylistically it looks like this could be the strongest entry into the franchise to date.  Having said that, I’m not too familiar with the directors involved this time around (Marcel Sarmiento, Gregg Bishop, Justin Benson, Todd Lincoln, Nacho Vigalondo), but that actually might turn out to be a plus. Always good to get some fresh blood in the mix, so stay tuned and we’ll see together how it all plays out.  No release date as of yet, but expect V/H/S 3: Viral to hit in 2014 for sure.

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Review: Almost Human (2014)

There’s something refreshing about hearing the word throwback.  Especially when you’re talking about horror movies.  My ears perk up like an excited dog, because I immediately transport myself back to the days of old, musty smelling, small town VHS rental spots where everybody knew your name.  Kind of like Cheers, but with dingy clamshell VHS cases instead of frosty beers. And the new Sci-Fi/Horror hybrid, Almost Human, is the definition of throwback.   Continue reading