Dirty Horror’s Best & Worst Of 2016!

2016 is about to come to an end.  That’s sounds somewhat ominous, but if we’re talking about horror movies then it can be looked at as both a celebration and a reflection.  A celebration of the movies that made us jump up and down with glee – and a reflection on the movies that made us throw something violently at the screen while watching them.  Let’s start with some celebrating though and get into my Top 5 Horror Movies Of 2016!   Continue reading

Horror Movie Posters I Love: ‘The Invisible Maniac’ (1990)

No real explanation needed.  Just take a look.

invisible-maniac-poster

How I’ve never seen this movie is beyond my comprehension.  I am a bit disappointed that the tagline wasn’t “He’ll scare the pants off of you!“.  I’m grasping at straws though with that.  What we do have here is great marketing because this poster makes me want to see the The Invisible Maniac.  It does look like the movie could be a bit rapey though, so that’s always a downer.  I do kind of want to see that girl on the floor wrestle with a fire hose though.  Fun fact:  Pornstar Savannah starred in this movie before she rose to fame in the porn industry, after which she committed suicide.  Sorry – that wasn’t very fun.

God Bless The Greatness That Is Called ‘Psycho Cop’

In 1988 when Maniac Cop was released, most horror fans thought they had seen the greatest killer cop movie of all time.  Yes, I’m embellishing that quite a bit, but just go with it for the time being.  And then 1989 came and with that also came the birth of Psycho Cop!  That’s right – Psycho Cop….the clear and obvious knockoff of Maniac Cop, but with more cheese.  I do love me some extra cheese.

If ever there was a movie that needed to be released on Blu-ray, it’s Psycho Cop.  Officer Joe Vickers (Robert R. Shafer) is not to be fucked with and it’s a monumental performance for the ages of horror cinema.  If you couldn’t already tell, I like to make things sound much bigger and better than they actually are.  Who are we kidding…..Psycho Cop is pretty terrible, but in the best way possible.  It’s pure ‘alcohol consumption necessary’ viewing and needs to make no apologies for that.  And I bet that you’ll be saying the joke “What has 18 legs and 2 tits?” at the next party you attend.

 

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Joey Lawrence Double Head-Shot’ From ‘Rest Stop: Dead Ahead’ (2006)

What better way to start off 2015 than with a clip of Blossom actor Joey Lawrence in a horror movie?  How about a clip of Joey Lawrence getting shot in the head not once, but twice?  I had you at shot in the head twice, didn’t I…..

Even though I’ve posted about this spectacular death scene a couple of years ago, I feel like it’s been sitting on the shelf long enough that I can take it down and play with it again on Sunday Bloody Sunday.  And this will be a big treat for all of my Rest Stop: Dead Ahead fans out there!  All four of you.  I won’t spoil much about this clip if you haven’t seen it, but please do yourself a favor and click below to get some instant fulfillment.  Just be warned – Joey Lawrence plays a cop in this movie.  That’s almost as believable as him getting shot in the head and surviving.  Enjoy!

Dirty Horror Presents: The Top 5 Worst Movies Of 2014

This damn toilet just won’t flush.  Too much shit clogging it up.  Let me be more specific – too many shitty movies from 2014 are clogging it up.  Yeah, it’s that time of the year when we look back and laugh at the horror movies that gave us unintentional stomach pains and regrets.  So let’s get on with my Top 5 Worst Movies Of 2014!   Continue reading

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Death By Umbrella’ From ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2’ (1987)

Sometimes I think about what the worst, but entertaining, way to die would be.  Choking on a delicious taco from Taco Bell?  Being impaled by an umbrella while rain falls on top of my dead body in an ironic manner?  Yeah, that last one would probably be it.

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday and a Happy Holiday to you all!  Let’s all get into the Christmas spirit with a scene from a terrible 1987 Christmas-themed horror movie called Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.  Yes, this movie is infamous just for it’s ‘Garbage Day’ scene alone – but let’s not forget about the scene where Ricky (Billy’s brother from the original 1984 movie) decides to get creative with an umbrella to dispose of someone who’s been “naughty”.  Bonus points for Ricky’s crazy eyes and for the ironic rain falling at the end of the death, which miraculously only seems to really be falling on the murder spot.  That’s some Hollywood magic right there.

Dirty Horror Presents: “Bastaaaaaaaaaard!!!”

Few actresses have ever shown their range and thespian abilities like Lynda Day George in the 1982 slasher movie, Pieces.  Such poise.  Such grace. Such gratuitous over-acting.  All of this adds up to one of the best moments in horror movie history.  Strap yourselves in and prepare yourself for: “Bastaaaaaaaaaard!!!

Are you taking notes, Meryl Streep?  You damn well better be.  Lynda Day George took that to another level and we’re all better people for it.  You want to know the sad thing about that clip though?  It’s not even the best part in the movie.  Pieces is in another realm when it comes to bad horror, and I mean that in the most endearing way possible.  Unfortunately, the Blu-ray gods have yet to release this craptastic masterpiece, which is a god damn tragedy.  Seek it out on DVD if you can, and maybe you can surprise that horror movie lover in your life for the holidays!

piecesdude

‘Leatherface: The Acne Years’ Is Coming Soon!

Well, file this one under the ‘What The Fuck’ category.  It was reported yesterday by The Wrap that the newest addition to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre saga is going to focus on Leatherface in his teenage years.  I’ll give that a second to sink in.  What do you think of the news, recently deceased original Texas Chainsaw Massacre star Marilyn Burns?

10559872_848712031820835_8964086595987431621_n

Couldn’t have said it better myself.  So yes, it has been confirmed that this is actually happening and it even has a generic uninspired title to go along with the generic uninspired storyline.  It will be called (drum roll please)……..Leatherface!  A lot powerful minds worked on that one.  I won’t apologize for not liking Texas Chainsaw 3D last year.  A couple of good gore scenes aside, it was a train wreck.  And the last thing I ever want to do is sympathize with a deranged killer who wields a chainsaw and likes to wear people’s skin for his masks.  So now we have this news about the prequel to the original 1974 movie where apparently we’ll enter the mind of a teenage Leatherface.

vlcsnap-2010-10-23-14h15m45s74_preview

Since this is going to focus on his teen years, we can now finally see what we’ve always wanted to see when we think of Leatherface.  His acne and that moment where his voice changes.  I’m sure it will be pretty embarrassing for him.  Speaking of which, we might even get to see him get caught by his Mom while masturbating for the first time.  Yikes!  All bad jokes and humor aside, I guess I should wait and hold out a little hope until things get rolling on this prequel.  But I got a funny feeling and a bad taste in my mouth that this isn’t going to go well.  Until the final verdict is in though, I’m dusting off my copy of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and am gonna give it a watch to make everything right with the world, at least for the moment.

Scream Factory’s Got Worms! ‘Squirm’ Blu-ray Coming In October

Not many movies traumatized me as a kid, but Jeff Lieberman’s creepy-crawly 1976 flick Squirm definitely did.  I actually used to dig up worms in my backyard, but after seeing that movie – I scaled back on the digging due to being fearful a bunch of worms would somehow burrow into my face.

ScreenHunter_34 Jan. 31 02.15

Even though it creeped me out, Squirm holds a special place in my heart and I always loved that Mystery Science Theatre 3000 chose it as one of it’s movies to highlight.  So it brings me great pleasure to announce that the amazing Scream Factory will be releasing Squirm on glorious Blu-ray some time in October!  Now you get to watch those worms in hi-def awesomeness and probably will get some sweet bonus features and commentary too.  Can’t help but think of this clip when I hear about worms btw……

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Ghoulies (1985)

I love a good pun.  And something that I love even more than good puns are slimy green creatures with bad teeth that stick their heads up out of toilets.  So, naturally it was a win-win situation for me when I first gazed upon the poster for Ghoulies back in 1985.

MPW-42348

Take a good look at that beauty of a poster……because the actual movie is pretty awful so the poster is really all that we have going for us unfortunately. Yes, Ghoulies as a film is not good.  But dammit if those involved with the marketing knocked it out of the park, because the poster and cover art for the VHS lured people into watching this crap.  Sure, it’s an 80’s guilty pleasure to some and uncomfortable toilet paper to others – but you can’t deny the sheer genius of the tagline ‘They’ll Get You In The End!” along with the image of that green Ghoulie coming out of the crapper.  Speaking of crap and crappers, they rode that toilet theme all the way to Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. That’s right….they actually went to college.

GHOULIES-3-GHOULIES-GO-TO-COLLEGE-VESTRON-VIDEO