Everyone has their own ways in which they would hate to die. Drowning for some. Buried alive for others. Spontaneous combustion for a small amount of you. But what about the dreaded eye gouging via a pair of thumbs? Where does that rank on the old ‘ways I would hate to die’ meter? Pretty high for me actually. And thanks to 2002’s fantastic zombie apocalypse flick 28 Days Later, it may have been bumped up even higher. So I had to pay homage to the classic ‘thumbs to the eyes’ climax in picture form during this week’s, Sunday Bloody Sunday.
Yes, the one scene that made everyone squirm from 28 Days Later was when Jim (Cillian Murphy) goes on his mansion rampage, and one unlucky bastard gets to feel the force of BOTH of his thumbs. It’s a moment where we actually feel the optic pain in which that bastard gets his peepers caved in by Jim’s super thumbs. Here is where I would say the obvious “Thumbs Up!” pun if I was resorting to that kind of jokery. But anyway, it’s truly a ‘Holy Shit!’ moment, and Jim is rewarded handsomely afterwards with the bad ass/hot Naomie Harris. Thumbs up, Jim!
Have you seen the new trailer for World War Z? Did you see the first trailer for World War Z? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then I offer my condolences. Rarely has a trailer for a movie made me want to literally punch my computer screen after viewing it. But congratulations World War Z – you accomplished that! Now, for those not aware – there is a book called World War Z written by Max Brooks that came out in 2006 and it gives perspectives and stories from around the world after an infection spreads and causes a worldwide zombie apocalypse. It was original, fresh, captivating, and scary. And now we have Hollywood trying to capitalize off of the big zombie craze, thanks to The Walking Dead primarily, with a movie “adaptation” of the Max Brooks novel. I put adaptation in quotes for numerous reasons. Check out the newest trailer below and we’ll discuss afterwards:
Now if you’re saying that it looks awesome, you can leave the room now. But before you do, I want you to tell me why you think it looks awesome. Seriously. I want to know. Is it because there are explosions and chaos? Because I know that we’ve been conditioned to like anything that has explosions and chaos. Is it the horrible fast-moving zombie CGI action? Because I know how we all love CGI and think it’s the future of cinema. Or is it the fact that Brad Pitt is the star? Because we all know that Brad Pitt is a national treasure. Now look – he’s clearly miscast here and looks like he doesn’t even want to be there. And judging from the stories off all of the re-shoots and issues this movie has had, I don’t blame him. When I watch this second trailer, if Brad Pitt wasn’t in it, I would honestly think that this was just a high budget Syfy Channel movie. It looks terrible. What sets it apart from anything else that we’ve seen?
*Spoiler alert: Brad Pitt is a zombie and tries to eat his wife*
I’m sure at the end of the day, it will be mindless fun that I can watch on a Saturday afternoon on HBO. But fuck that. The book deserves more. It would have been better suited to be a 5 part mini-series on AMC where it actually…oh I don’t know – followed the book! It’s a slap in the face and I can’t believe that Max Brooks signed off on it. It cheapens what he has given us in his original novel form, and it just gives future filmmakers the idea that they can just throw a poorly executed film up on the screen, as long as it has a big star, and it will make money. And that’s the bottom line here. This movie will make money. And maybe even generate sequels. And Hollywood will stand and cheer for that. But not me. I’ll read the book again instead. I’m actually hoping for a box office failure on this one and that’s somewhat sad to say because World War Z does fall into the “horror” category. I feel I should be supporting it just based off of that alone, and do feel a little guilty trashing it. Did I mention it’s going to be PG-13? Ok – nevermind….the guilt is gone.
*Spoiler alert 2: Brad Pitt’s wife is a zombie and tries to eat him*
Why are we worried about a future zombie apocalypse when all we need to do is shove some tasty pies in their face to stop them? Yes……one of the most ridiculous and intentional “funny” moments ever in a horror movie has to be when Tom Savini and his biker gang thugs don’t feel any sense of danger from the zombies that are moping around the mall.
*isn’t it bad enough that JCPenny’s is closed?*
So, they run around messing with them and we wait for the Three Stooges to show up. At least they didn’t spray them with seltzer water – oh wait, they did. Do you think Zack Snyder is kicking himself for not including this in his remake? You’re right – zombie baby was a much better addition. Only question I have I guess is what kind of pies were they? Most likely banana cream or the delicious all whipped cream pie with no crust. They could have at least given the zombies something good to taste, like blueberry or strawberry rhubarb. So here’s to you George Romero, for injecting some delectable pies into your zombie movie and onto the zombies themselves! Delicious!