Let that baby sink in for a minute.  Now that’s a cheesy 80’s horror movie poster!  Effective to say the least, the poster for 1986’s Mountaintop Motel Massacre brought the goodness.  Unfortunately, the movie was straight doodoo.

The plot involves a crazy old lady named Evelyn who murders people who stay at her motel.  And how does she do this?  By popping up from secret contraptions via a tunnel in the guest’s rooms and dropping off rattlesnakes, cockroaches, and rats.  And she swings a mean little sickle too.  Albeit she swings it very, very slowly and it boggled my mind how some of these grown ass men didn’t just kick her old ass down before she ended up stabbing them. Oh well.

Did I mention there’s a black guy named Crewshaw (yes, Crewshaw) who has some snappy dialogue and zingers throughout the movie?  Case in point: Crewshaw is awoken by having about fifty cockroaches crawling all over him thanks to Eveyln and promptly let’s off this jewel – “They shoulda called this a roach motel!“.  Oh, that Crewshaw!  Too bad he gets his hand chopped off and throat slit later.

My biggest reason why the poster for Mountaintop Motel Massacre is better than the actual movie is the classic case of ‘bait and switch’.  Unless my eyes are foggy, the crazy woman on the poster is that the same crazy woman in the movie.  False advertising!  For shame.  And the debate can rage on about whether or not I’ve proven my point with all of this, but there is one thing that I know we can all agree on:  Crewshaw and his awesome name will forever be missed.  RIP.