There have only been two things in my life that I’ve been obsessed with. The delicious Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell being one of them, and collecting Garbage Pail Kid stickers when I was younger being the other. Both gave me equal joy, but only one had nacho cheese and sour cream. And in 1987, as a 11-year-old boy nearing puberty, I was more than excited at the announcement that there was going to be a Garbage Pail Kids movie! Until I saw it and it scared the shit out of me.
Now, to be fair, I wasn’t sleeping with the light on or anything after I saw it. But it did creep me the fuck out, which is why I’m giving it the due it deserves on this edition of Give Me The Creeps.
Sure the actual Garbage Pail Kid stickers were gross and shocking, especially for that time. But what I saw up on the big screen in 1987 was even more shocking as they tried to bring my favorite stickers to life, and the key word there being ‘tried’. It actually worked pretty well in regards to what they did with Ali Gator and even Nat Nerd, because they didn’t have a real human face look about them. But it was the others that made me shudder, like Greaser Greg….Valerie Vomit….and even Windy Winston. He liked to violently fart a lot by the way:
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie could have easily been a horror movie if it wanted to. Imagine if you will, Messy Tessie stalking you down a hallway while her snot ran fluidly out of her nose. That’s the stuff that nightmares are made of. It’s all about those human-like faces that they tried to create. And those human-like faces gave me the creeps and still do. So, kudos to you Garbage Pail Kids Movie! You may have bombed at the box office and been an overall terrible movie, but you know how to give someone the creeps. By the way, the theme song for the Garbage Pail Kids cartoon was about as pointless as a theme song can be: