Well, it says a lot about the output of horror movies in January when my first review of the new year is a film about a killer garden gnome played by Verne Troyer. The questions is, what was more enjoyable: the Chocodile that I was eating while watching Gnome Alone or the actual movie? Let’s just say that I miss my Chocodile.
If you’re a fan of Full Moon movies, then Gnome Alone will fit nicely on the shelf next to your Ginderdead Man DVD. This isn’t a Full Moon release, but it sure feels like it. I’m not going to bore you with the plot, because what could I actually tell you plotwise to sell you on this thing? It’s about a magical garden gnome who likes to murder people while mouthing off really bad puns. Sold yet? No??? Then here are some more observations I noticed while watching this shitfest:
* Quite possibly the worst ‘girl-on-girl’ make-out scene ever put on film.
* Is that The Joker??? Oh – it’s just the main girl’s mother who’s had too much plastic surgery.
* Killer garden gnomes like to preach the responsibility of not drinking and driving.
* Ever want to see Verne Troyer, in creepy garden gnome make-up, finger a blindfolded half-naked girl on a bed? You’re in luck!
* Apparently human brains can taste like Chardonnay wine.
* Hey look! It’s the little kid from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air and Independence Day!
Ok – I’ve exhausted everything that’s somewhat interesting about Gnome Alone. It’s not good. Granted, I didn’t think it would be – but I was hoping to have a little more fun with it. The make-up effects on Verne Troyer are creepy, so I’ll give it 1/2 a point for that and I’ll give another 1/2 point for this pic of a box of Chocodiles.
(1 out of 5)