I know most of you might think that the original Black Christmas is the best Christmas-themed horror movie ever, but I’m here to tell you that you’re right. Now aside from my agreement on that topic, another Christmas-themed horror movie that you need to see is Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker! I know you probably need convincing, so watch this clip below and I’ll tell you 5 things that I personally learned from this monumental scene in horror movie history:
Ok, here we go:
Always make sure to say something funny like “It’s to die for.” right before you knowingly send someone to their inevitable death.
He should have crashed at least 10 times considering his eyes rarely made contact with the road at any point in this clip.
Larry The Larvae is quite persistent.
Larry The Larvae must also be a vampire since no blood really appears when he pops the guy’s eyeball out.
It’s unfortunate that Mickey Rooney isn’t in this scene.
Well, that was fun I guess. Go watch this gem of a Christmas horror movie on Shudder now!
Surprisingly, I have not seen every Halloween-themed horror movie. And one of those that I hadn’t seen was 1982’s Trick or Treats! Not to be confused with Trick or Treat…or Trick ‘r Treat, I had remembered seeing the VHS version of Trick or Treats when I was kid – but I never rented it. Over the years, I became more and more curious because I had nothing better to do with my life. And the other night, it finally happened after 45 years! I had sex. Oh, and also I finally watched Trick or Treats!
And, I started a new paragraph to leave you in more suspense as to what my thoughts on the movie are. Well, I’ll get to the point I suppose: It was shit. Not even good shit, if you know what I mean. Like, I didn’t even finish the movie. That might be a first as far as Halloween-themed horror movies. Some lowlights: There was a kid playing pranks and a crazy guy escaping an asylum, David Carradine was in it for some reason, and also some person with the last name ‘Snodgrass’ which made me laugh. But anyway, I’ll save you the time and show you the best thing below about the movie…..the poster. So steer clear of Trick or Treats if you haven’t seen it, and go watch the other two movies with ‘Trick’ and ‘Treat’ in the titles instead!
As a lover of anything creepy and/or unusual, I am very excited that The Oddities Flea Market is coming back to downtown Los Angeles on October 8th & 9th! If you’ve never been, then now is the time to prepare your eyes and your wallet!! It’s one of my personal favorite events to peruse, and what better time to do it than in October?? Halloween would encourage you to check this event out.
Prepare to be dazzled by wonders unimagined! Shop three curated floors of medical history ephemera, anatomical curiosities, natural history items, osteological specimens, taxidermy, home decor, jewelry, one-of-a-kind art, and much more.
Does that have your attention yet? Trust me when I say that the plethora of creepy/unusual vendors that will be on display will leave you in awe. AND they will make you want to spend your hard-earned money too! So don’t delay and grab your tickets HERE, and I will see you there! My wallet will be empty by the end of the weekend, but I will still see you there and will have no regrets.
Egads! It’s Paul from the stellar 1988 remake of The Blob! He’s looking right into the soul of your eyes, so try not to be too intimidated…..but that layer of The Blob over his peepers probably helps your chances! Oh great, sexy 1988 version of Shawnee Smith (and also Paul’s girlfriend in the movie) just walked by trying to distract you. Nice try, Shawnee! It’s gonna take a lot more than that……oh dear God – it’s Kevin Dillon’s mullet from the movie and it just distracted you! Curses! Paul wins. But also dies because The Blob just ate him.
Tom Atkins. That’s all you really need to know. But I guess I’ll expand more on why I’m mentioning the legend’s name. It’s because Son Of Monsterpalooza is returning to Burbank, California on October 14th-16th! It’s in October, so it’s pretty much a no-brainer that you need to attend. Need more convincing? Tom Atkins. Ok, I’ll convince you even more though……
How about a Weird Science reunion with Anthony Michael Hall, Ilan Mitchell-Smith, and Robert Rusler?? Still want more? Ok…..then how about a Nightmare On Elm Street 3 reunion with a plethora of the original Dream Warriors in attendance?? Now I see you nodding your head. But wait…..Tom Atkins! Third time mentioning him and it doesn’t get old, but not only will the man and his mustache be there….but so will his Halloween III co-star Stacy Nelkin AND director Tommy Lee Wallace!
In addition to those mentioned guests and many more to be announced, Son Of Monsterpalooza will sport, as usual, some of the best horror-themed vendors around and some of the best full-on displays of makeup effects too! This is always one of my favorite conventions, so go HERE to see more info and grab your tickets. That weekend could sell out, so don’t say I didn’t warn you! Tom Atkins!!
I won’t lie – I’ve been pleasantly surprised with the horror offerings in 2022 so far. And I’m going out on a limb here when I say that I am pretty sure I will be pleasantly surprised with the new movie Barbarian coming out on August 31st. The trailer snuck up on me when I saw it before The Black Phone (another nice surprise), and it did what a trailer should do: Don’t give too much away, make you interested in exactly what the hell is going on, and serve it up with a side of creepy imagery….loud noises….and an anxiety-inducing score.
Speaking of trailers real quick…..(begin rant) I’m sure everyone has seen the TEASER trailer for Halloween Ends. It’s gotten high praise for not giving too much away. But…..we all remember how much the official Halloween Kills trailer gave away, right? Now, either the brainiacs over at Blumhouse finally figured out how to cut a trailer to actually keep you interested and intrigued and not give us too much…..or there will be a full blown new trailer coming that shows everything. Just had to put that out there for everyone that’s so excited that the Halloween Ends TEASER trailer didn’t give away everything in the movie. But anyway…….where was I?
Oh! Barbarian! Yes, I’m excited. And it has been screened already and the buzz is good. Good buzz is better than bad buzz or no buzz. A lot of mentioning in review blurbs about ‘going in blind‘ and ‘what the fuck did I just watch?‘, so my advice is to see this as soon as you can on or before August 31st to avoid your Instagram friends plastering up spoilers and ruining everything. Peep the trailer below for Barbarian:
Vera Farmiga was in the 2009 horror movie Orphan. She sure is a pretty lady. Oh man, I remember watching that movie and seeing her and thinking……….
Wait, what? The twist?? Yeah, Chubby Checker created that dance. Ohhhh, the twist from the movie! Right, that’s what this post is supposed to be about. And what a twist it was. It’s been 13 years, so if you consider this a spoiler then I sincerely apologize. You see, the big twist was that Esther (the psychotic lead in the movie, played by Isabelle Fuhrman) was not a 9-year-old girl….something that was set up earlier in the movie. She was actually a 33-year-old woman! There was a reason for it (rare hormonal disorder), but it didn’t matter because what a doozy of a twist it was and still is.
It’s hard to get a good twist going nowadays by the way. And even harder, is keeping it secret and not having social media rugrats spoiler those twists. But anyway, I kinda love Orphan for what it is and the twist is kinda amazing if you think about it. The main reason I was thinking about this movie is because after 13 years, Esther is back in real prequel form! Once again played by Isabelle Fuhrman, the prequel Orphan: First Kill will showcase Esther with de-aging makeup as we see how she became psycho-cuckoo-nuts in the first place. Color me intrigued, and check out the trailer for Orphan: First Kill below, then go back and check out it’s predecessor for some sweet twist action!
Ah yes – Midnight Mass! No, not that stupid thing that my parents would make me go to on Christmas Eve. I’m talking about the much better Midnight Mass series on Netflix from Mike Flanagan. Yeah, the same Mike Flanagan who did The Haunting of Hill House and Bly Manor. Now I know that Midnight Mass isn’t necessarily new, but when Waxwork Records announced that it was releasing the series’ soundtrack on vinyl (done by The Newton Brothers btw) – it got me to thinking about the show again! And what sprang into my mind right away was that glorious entrance of the angel (Or…ummm…vampire? Or vamp-angel?) into the church:
Oh, when those wings pop out! But seriously, I love everything about that scene – and the nuttiness that happens shortly thereafter. I would actually not mind a spin-off or something with that thing. AH! And I mentioned earlier about the new Waxwork Records release of the Midnight Mass soundtrack! It’s a pretty spiffy release on 3LPs AND on snazzy colors to boot. You can order it HERE and it’s shipping now! Well, not right this second. You have to buy it first, silly – and then it will probably ship after.
Do you love your father? Do you want to blow his mind with the BEST Father’s Day gift ever this year? Well, let me tell you…..what I’m about to put on your radar should be illegal, because it is just that good. But you’re all my friends here, so I don’t mind sharing when I find something so monumental….so amazing….so ridiculously terrible….that I just want all six of my readers to know about it! Behold, the Father’s Day gift to end all Father’s Day gifts: A ‘Witchcraft IV‘ promotional T-shirt!
And it’s purple! Geez, you’re welcome. But I know what you’re saying: “Tony, my Dad really likes Witchcraft III more because it is the superior straight-to-video awful movie“. I get that. But what we have here is a T-shirt specimen that is ridiculously rare because there was probably only one made due to the fact that there was probably only one person that actually saw this movie.
Even better than the news about the rarity of this shirt, is the price! It’s only $135! Wait, that has to be wrong. It has to be $13.50 and is just a typo on the listing. It does have an ‘Or Best Offer‘ option though, so I bet you can still get it for $13.50! Go to the link HERE and get to work. And a heartfelt Happy Father’s Day to my dad and all of the dads out there who took their sons or daughters to video stores for horror movies in the 80’s and 90’s!
Oh my stars, it’s time for Sunday Bloody Sunday again! So let’s begin and say that I enjoyed the hell out of last year’s Candyman, even though I know some of you hated it. Yeah, you. I see you. But anyway, I think we can all agree (hopefully) that the art museum scene – where two characters justifiably meet their demise – was just a beautifully shot, and somewhat creepy scene. Need more convincing if you’re on the fence, check the link below!
Now, that’s some good carnage! I know it may be tame violence-wise in today’s horror world (The Sadness upped the ante on everything), but it’s some nice throat and ankle slashing nonetheless. The cinematography and style is one of the main things that draws me to this remake/reboot. Just a gorgeous horror film to admire from beginning to end. Ok, I’ll stop babbling now and buzz off.