That would have been a pretty fun headline to read in a newspaper back in 1985. And ok, so Billly Cole (Jonathan Stark) from the legendary vampire movie Fright Night didn’t melt to death from this horrific heatwave that is ravaging the country right now…..but he did die! In a movie. That came out in 1985. It’s heatwaves like this though that make me think of the best ‘melting death scenes‘ in horror movies, because I myself am slowly melting as I type this. I just dripped onto my keyboard.
But anyway – that Billy Cole death scene IS one of my favorite death scenes from any 80’s horror movie. Mostly because there are so many layers to it. He gets shot a few times AND gets the dreaded stake into the heart…..at which point he starts the melting process when that happens. If you haven’t seen Fright Night, then you should be ashamed of yourself and you don’t deserve a ‘spoiler alert‘. So here’s Billy’s grand finale below. Oh, and stay cool out there! Sit on some ice cubes or something.
Huzzah! We found another horror movie that Roger Ebert liked! But in all seriousness, who could not like Return Of The Living Dead? And while some of Roger’s takes on horror movies in the past were eyebrow raising, he really said something truly shocking towards the end of this particular review……….that Return Of The Living Dead had better special effects than the original Day Of The Dead! Someone contain Tom Savini, because he just got riled up…..
To be fair, ROTLD had stellar special effects – and the makeup on the Tarman is top notch and has one of the best character designs of its time. But…..Tom Savini was and is a god in the realm of special effects, and Day Of The Dead has some of the best gore gags in the history of gore gags. Not to mention it has Bub. Bub!!!! I don’t think there would be as many arguments though if someone said that ROTLD is the better movie overall. Me being one that would say that very thing. So anyway – thanks, Roger Ebert! You liked some horror movies and didn’t hate as many as people think you did. Unfortunately, you just didn’t say sensible things about special effects.
Most of you probably answered ‘No’ to the question above. And some of you probably said “What the hell is 976-Evil??“. To answer the latter, 976-Evil is (in my opinion) an underrated 80’s horror gem directed by none other than Robert Englund! It’s also the name of a Deftones son, but I digress. And while the premise of the movie has to do with an actual Horrorscope hotline, it comes as no surprise that there was an actual 1-900 number you could call that was set up to promote the movie! Check it out below:
Ah yes. The ol’ “2 dollars for the first minute….get your parent’s permission, blah, blah, blah”. I’m actually surprised that 900 numbers haven’t made a comeback, since everything else in the 80’s has. Nonetheless, 976-Evil actually would have been a good one to call back then! Either that one or Freddie Freaker (look it up). In all seriousness, seek out 976-Evil if you haven’t seen it. It’s quintessential 80’s horror cheese. And Stephen Geoffreys gives a great performance in the midst of all of that cheese. Now I want cheese.
Have you ever woken up in the morning and looked in the mirror, and your hair is sticking up in every direction possible à la Bill Murray in the hilarious bowling comedy Kingpin? I unfortunately know not those joys in life, because I don’t have a lot of hair……but I bet horror icon Christopher Lee had a lot of those mornings! Why am I bringing up Christopher Lee? Oh, only because he has some of the best hair in a horror movie ever. And the movie I’m talking about is The Wicker Man! Not the terrible remake one.
Look at that. It’s majestic! If my hair could do that, I would never leave my mirror. The way it just almost dances off of his head…..swaying to and fro. It’s poetic. Either that or his hair is just trying to escape his head because it’s terrified. But nonetheless – Christopher Lee’s hair in The Wicker Man has now earned him the most coveted award and honor of all time! He and it have now been inducted into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!!!! Unfortunately, this great man is no longer alive to enjoy this victory – but please honor him and watch The Wicker Man when you can. Not the terrible remake one.
Robert Englund. Bruce Campbell. Oh, do I have your attention now? Because if you choose to go to the always great….never duplicated….best convention around called Monsterpalooza this coming June 2nd through the 4th in Pasadena – you will have the chance to meet both of these horror icons! That’s right, Monsterpalooza is back and better than ever. It’s my favorite horror convention to frequent, and this year they have Freddy….Ash….and one of my favorites, Doug Jones….Kane Hodder….and more to still be announced!
Now, as of me writing this – there are VERY limited spots available for professional photo-ops with Robert and Bruce, but there are still plenty of other celebs you can snap a pic with AND get your favorite horror merch signed to boot. In addition to that – there will be cosplayers, tons of spooky vendors, makeup demonstrations and showcases, and panel Q&As with all of the already mentioned horror talent!
Just buy a 3-day pass and thank me later. And speaking of, you can go HERE to purchase your tickets. Be warned – they will sell out, so snatch em’ up now. Monsterpalooza is going to be the place to be in June, and you don’t want to regret it when you see all of your friends posting their super fun pics on social media. So hit the link above and get to it. I will scare you there!
Is there any greater joy in life than listening to people pronounce things incorrectly? I still remember the Three’s Company episode where Mr. Furley mispronounces everything in the French restaurant when he’s there with Janet. The point of me talking about an old relic sitcom from the 70’s, is that I liked Mr. Furley better than Mr. Roper……and also to accentuate the point of me often mispronouncing the new ‘little horror movie that could‘, Skinamarink.
For those unaware, Skinamarink was made for a mere $15,000 by writer/director Kyle Edward Ball. It’s already grossed almost $2 million at the box office in limited release AND it’s getting released courtesy of Shudder this weekend on February 2nd! All joking aside about the name, I will say that the trailer tickled my horror spot and was brilliantly done. I mean, don’t you wanna know what happened in ‘this house‘??!?!
Now back to my inability to say the name of the movie right. Oh, my girlfriend and I have had quite the laughing fest when I try and say it and “Skinkakatmandoo” comes out. Or even “Skinkaminkapalooza“. And one of these days I might say it right. It’s easy to type out though. Skinamarink! The funny thing is that if you type the name into Google, you can see other people unintentionally misspelling it as well. Circling back to the real news of this post, Skinamarink premieres on Shudder this week on February 2nd! So check it out with me, and then let’s all get messed up and keep trying to say the name 10 times in a row really fast.
So long, 2022 – you dirty rotten egg! Oh, but wait! 2022 wasn’t all bad. Yeah, we still had the Covid around – and Trump still exists – and Bob Saget died…….but in my opinion, it was a great year for horror movies! Here’s my Top 3, followed by my ‘honorable mentions’:
I know most of you might think that the original Black Christmas is the best Christmas-themed horror movie ever, but I’m here to tell you that you’re right. Now aside from my agreement on that topic, another Christmas-themed horror movie that you need to see is Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker! I know you probably need convincing, so watch this clip below and I’ll tell you 5 things that I personally learned from this monumental scene in horror movie history:
Ok, here we go:
Always make sure to say something funny like “It’s to die for.” right before you knowingly send someone to their inevitable death.
He should have crashed at least 10 times considering his eyes rarely made contact with the road at any point in this clip.
Larry The Larvae is quite persistent.
Larry The Larvae must also be a vampire since no blood really appears when he pops the guy’s eyeball out.
It’s unfortunate that Mickey Rooney isn’t in this scene.
Well, that was fun I guess. Go watch this gem of a Christmas horror movie on Shudder now!
Surprisingly, I have not seen every Halloween-themed horror movie. And one of those that I hadn’t seen was 1982’s Trick or Treats! Not to be confused with Trick or Treat…or Trick ‘r Treat, I had remembered seeing the VHS version of Trick or Treats when I was kid – but I never rented it. Over the years, I became more and more curious because I had nothing better to do with my life. And the other night, it finally happened after 45 years! I had sex. Oh, and also I finally watched Trick or Treats!
And, I started a new paragraph to leave you in more suspense as to what my thoughts on the movie are. Well, I’ll get to the point I suppose: It was shit. Not even good shit, if you know what I mean. Like, I didn’t even finish the movie. That might be a first as far as Halloween-themed horror movies. Some lowlights: There was a kid playing pranks and a crazy guy escaping an asylum, David Carradine was in it for some reason, and also some person with the last name ‘Snodgrass’ which made me laugh. But anyway, I’ll save you the time and show you the best thing below about the movie…..the poster. So steer clear of Trick or Treats if you haven’t seen it, and go watch the other two movies with ‘Trick’ and ‘Treat’ in the titles instead!
As a lover of anything creepy and/or unusual, I am very excited that The Oddities Flea Market is coming back to downtown Los Angeles on October 8th & 9th! If you’ve never been, then now is the time to prepare your eyes and your wallet!! It’s one of my personal favorite events to peruse, and what better time to do it than in October?? Halloween would encourage you to check this event out.
Prepare to be dazzled by wonders unimagined! Shop three curated floors of medical history ephemera, anatomical curiosities, natural history items, osteological specimens, taxidermy, home decor, jewelry, one-of-a-kind art, and much more.
Does that have your attention yet? Trust me when I say that the plethora of creepy/unusual vendors that will be on display will leave you in awe. AND they will make you want to spend your hard-earned money too! So don’t delay and grab your tickets HERE, and I will see you there! My wallet will be empty by the end of the weekend, but I will still see you there and will have no regrets.