Eeeek! Nothing makes me squeal and get excited more than a brand new haunt experience for the Halloween season! And this year down here in Southern California (Temecula, to be exact), we have a doozy. Yes, Temecula Terror is ready to scare you sheetless (ghost pun) starting on October 1st and wrapping up (mummy pun) on Halloween night. I know what you’re saying…..isn’t Temecula wine country?? Why yes it is, but now it’s also haunt country – so deal with it.
So what can you expect if you take the journey down to Temecula Terror? Well for starters – 3 wickedly terrifying mazes (Hyde Street Haunted House, Butterfield Asylum, and The Crypt) complete with some of the best scare actors and props around. I’ve seen the prep work on the Temecula Terror Instagram page and it looks killer. But what’s a good haunt without some spooky booze? Yes, there will be two bars offering some deliciously demented drinks and a special VIP bar for you VIP folk. There are even some special hours if you want to bring your little monsters by, which you can check out on the Temecula Terror website HERE. And also HERE you can purchase tickets and find out more info on everything. So……will we see you there??? For your sake, I would say yes or else that creepy monster standing behind you right now might not be so kind.
Oh, Coolio. You used to be…..a thing, I guess. I always hated ‘Gangsta’s Paradise‘, but I know it’s what gave you your stardom. I much prefer the Coolio that was down with WC and the Maad Circle (look it up on Spotify or Apple Music and thank me later). I do not however, prefer the Coolio that was a vampire in the 2004 staight-to-cable movie Dracula 3000. I know what you’re thinking btw – the amazing movie Dracula 2000 had a sequel??? No. No it did not. Which makes Dracula 3000 even more puzzling in a terrible ‘why was this movie even made‘ kind of way. But I’ve spent wayyyyyy too much time talking about this shitfest, so let’s watch a clip of vampire Coolio in action!
I guess I should have warned you that there is delayed audio in that clip, but be honest….would it have mattered? I’m not sure what the highlight is here: Coolio’s tongue slithering? The fact that he used the phrase ‘ejaculate all over your bazongas‘?? Or maybe his lisp when he says ‘Snow White ass‘??? Actually – they’re all equal in greatness. I hope this clip made your day. Or maybe gave you another reason to dislike Coolio.
Summer is in full swing, and you know what that means……..sharks are in the water eating people! And also a lot of people are enjoying ice cream. Why, just before I started typing this – I myself had a delicious mint chocolate chip ice cream cone. You know who else is all about making ice cream cones? Clint Howard! And he made the perfect cone in the cult classic 1995 horror/comedy Ice Cream Man. But instead of those gumballs you would see used for eyes on those ‘frog ice cream’ treats, he uses real eyeballs!
Every time I watch that scene I always think the same thing: How the hell does that cop not see the eyeball poking out of the top of the ice cream?!!?! I mean, I don’t just go licking something without looking at it first – and I think I would have noticed an eyeball poking out of my Rocky Road (Rocky…….Road?). But this is a move about a killer ice cream man after all, so I’ll let that tiny detail slide. The moral of this post – go watch Ice Cream Man! Because it’s Clint Howard’s best movie and summertime is the best time to enjoy his zany antics. Now how many of you did your inner Sloth voice when you read the Rocky Road part?
While everyone has a circle jerk for the new Halloween Kills trailer, I have been grabbing tissues for the new Candyman trailer that came out a few weeks ago. Oh you didn’t see it yet? Well take a look!
While I know the original 1992 Candyman, as well as Tony Todd’s performance, gets a lot of love….I still feel like that movie doesn’t get the credit it really deserves. And might as well also mention that I dug the sequel. Not that abomination of a third movie though. But anyway, back to the new Candyman! Directed by Nia DaCosta, with a screenplay by Jordan Peele among others – this new vision of our favorite bee-utiful hooked madman looks like it checks all of the boxes based off of the new trailer.
We’ve got some strong actors in this one (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Colman Jason Domingo), as well as some nice little cameos from the original movie. But the thing that really grabbed me with the new trailer (besides the fact that it didn’t give away too much like other recent…ahem….trailers) was that style and the visuals it gave off. This is one of those movies where I will probably go in with my expectations wayyyyyy too high. But I’ll leave them high for now (and leave them verrrrrry low for Halloween Kills) in hopes for the start of a new chapter in the Candyman franchise! Now let’s take a look at one more clip from the movie where Candyman gets his revenge on two morons that deserve it!
Ah ha! Just kidding. That was clearly from the movie Tommy Boy. Beeeeeees!!!!!!
I just pinched myself because I enjoy feeling pain at times, and also because it’s FINALLY safe to go back to the movies! Well, not if you consider’talking 10-year-olds sitting next to you while watching a horror movie‘ safe…….but still somewhat safe nonetheless. And the first movie in well over a year that I did see in the theater was…..A Quiet Place Part II: Electric Boogaloo. What a snappy title that would have been.
My rapid review for A Quiet Place Part II would go something like this: This was definitely not a sophomore slump for John Krasinski. Loved the opening sequence that showed the preface to the madness that unfolded in the previous film. Tense and loud (in a good way) from beginning to end, but also quiet at times because that’s the movie’s sweet spot. That bear trap part though (yikes). Cillian Murphy can do no wrong. Not much bad to say about it honestly, other than that I think the series needs to end with this one. But…..a third one already got green-lit (shrug).
Let’s move on to The Conjuring 3: Electric Booglaoo! Oh, I mean – The Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It. For this one, I did not venture to the theater – but to my couch via HBO Max. So let’s talk: Very strong opening sequence in this one too. Uh oh – 20 mins in and I was already a little bored. I think I’m kinda over possession movies. But hey! Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson are still great. That big fat guy from the morgue though (yikes). Decent climax (that’s what she said), but I think I’m Conjuringed out. Definitely my least favorite in the series, but I didn’t hate it.
Time for the wildcard in this review roundup – a little Irish mood piece called Caveat, which is available to stream now on Shudder. So, let’s chew the fat on this one: Oh my, that toy bunny is pretty terrifying. One of my fears is having to be chained up to the point where I can’t reach the toilet in the bathroom. This movie is directed and written by Damian McCarthy and is his first feature! Extremely dark, unsettling, but interesting as well – it keeps things moving without slowing down too much. I had read that some thought the ending was abrupt and unsatisfying – but I disagree. Easily one of my biggest surprises of the year so far. Go check Caveat out on Shudder. PS – I liked it better than The Conjuring 3 (shrug again).
Few things have kept me staying positive this year so far. Yeah, we seem to be getting over the hump as far as this Covid thing. Yippee. And yeah, Ben Affleck and J-Lo seem to be back together. Hooray. But, the one thing that keeps me going this year is the fact that the movie Antlers (yes, that movie I have talked about constantly and will most certainly go into with my hopes way too high) is finally coming to theaters on October 29th!
Yeah, you can keep your Chris Rock wannabe Saw movies and your Halloween Kills (still a stupid fucking title btw) – I’m all about Antlers! I wonder how many antlers will be in the movie though. Just one pair? Several? A whole gaggle of antlers???? Only time will tell and we now know for sure that all will be seen and answered on October 29th! As I previously stated, my excitement for this movie has a good chance of setting the bar wayyyyyy too high and I could walk out of the theater cursing the very antlers that I was so interested in seeing. But…..I will keep my excitement level high! ANTLERS!
While scrolling through movies to watch on Amazon Prime last night, I stumbled upon something I hadn’t see since I was probably in my single digits age-wise. But before I tell you about the movie I found, let me preface that by saying that back in the 70’s and 80’s – there were some pretty creepy made-for-TVmovies out. And one of those movies that always stuck with me was the 1977 anthology offering Dead Of Night.
Comprised of three tales, the only one really worth mentioning is the last one called ‘Bobby‘ (unless of course you enjoy watching Ed Begley Jr fawn over an old car). It’s a creepy little yarn about a mother who summons her deceased son back from the dead, after he drowned. And yes, his name is Bobby – hence the name of the story. Btw – if you want to do a fun drinking game, take a shot every time Bobby says “Mommy“. But anyway, when I saw this as a kid – it scared the shit out of me. Especially the very last shot. Now, if you want to watch the whole segment – seek it out on Amazon Prime. If you just want to see the last scene that I’m talking about, watch the Youtube clip below with subpar video quality.
Yeah, that’s 3 shots you have to take just from watching that 40 second clip. Mommy!
Oh! The Gate is a great movie, and these little fuckers creeped me out out. Oh, again! As luck and coincidence would have it, Terror Vision Records is releasing the original soundtrack on vinyl! (and cassette for the boomboxers)
They do great work with their soundtrack releases, so you’ll be in good hands. Head on over HERE and snatch up a copy, and get down with some Sacrifyx goodness!
It’s time for one of my favorite moments: Going back and watching Siskel & Ebert tear apart horror movies! And in this episode, they go for the jugular of George Romero’s Day Of The Dead.
Well, at least they liked Dawn Of The Dead. I’ll give them that. I was a bit surprised that they hated the follow-up that much though. Day Of The Dead did take a bit to grow on me when I saw it in the 80’s, I do have to admit. I hold Dawn Of The Dead in such high regard, and Night Of The Living Dead was possibly the first movie that scared the shit out of me.
What Day Of The Dead did so well (besides the amazing effects) was create a true villain in Captain Rhodes (Joseph Pilato) in addition to the ghouls (as Mr. Ebert likes to call them). Rhodes in my opinion is one of the greatest villains in horror movie history. A true monster without the make-up on. And while you watch Day Of The Dead, it’s a certainty that Rhodes will get his by the end of the movie. And boy, does he – with also one of the greatest death scenes in horror movie history. So because of those factors alone, I have three words for Siskel & Ebert for their review: Choke On ‘Em!
Although me and my fellow horror enthusiasts are down in the dumps about Halloween all but being canceled this year, we can still have fun with looking for terrible officially licensed masks! We just can’t go to an actual Spirit Halloween store to try them on, because that would most likely be frowned upon in today’s Covid environment. But luckily, there’s this thing called a website – and I found some good ones: Continue reading →