I usually have a pretty high tolerance when it comes to unruly, misbehaving, screaming kids. I do, after all, have 3 nephews that I’ve experienced in my lifetime. Oh sure, some might even say that Damien, the Devil’s child, is one of the brattiest kids ever. But I’ve got news for you Damien. There’s a kid who’s even more evil than you. More annoying for sure. And definitely more capable of making someone put a gun in their mouth. Let’s meet Samuel from the 2014 horror movie, The Babadook!
Spoiler alerts coming for those who haven’t seen The Babadook. Now, if Mister Babadook was in fact real – I would have loved to see him grab Samuel by the head and spin it around on his neck like a top. A bit harsh you say? Why don’t you try watching the above clip again. I double dog dare you. I guess in the grand scheme of things, the kid actor who played Samuel (Noah Wiseman) actually did do a good job because he was meant to assist throwing his mother Amelia (Essie Davis) into a psychological downward spiral. Mission accomplished, Samuel! And you made the audience want to never have children and made the guys want to wear three condoms when they have sex. Now let’s end this with a nice, sweet, innocent picture of little Samuel to show he’s just like a regular kid.
Like fingernails on the chalkboard, these are the horror movie characters that you wish would just shut the f*ck up. I kind of tried to do a “these are the Days Of Our Lives” thing there, but it didn’t quite pan out like I wanted. Anyhow, time for another edition of Shut The F*ck Up, where I give my two cents on characters that needed to either be gagged with a sock or killed off much earlier in their movie that they acted in. To no one’s real surprise who has seen 2003’s Wrong Turn, the character of Carly is literally up on the chopping block this time.
*don’t worry – I’m just going to massage your throat*
Played by Emmanuelle Chriqui, most famous probably for her stint on the HBO series Entourage, Carly is the annoying friend that pretty much every horror movie has. But, the annoying factor is raised soooooooo high with her that even Shelly from Friday The 13th Part 3 is sitting there comfortably observing with a smile. She whines. And then whines some more. And whimpers. Then decides that she has some more whining left in the tank. Even after her courageous boyfriend (Jeremy Sisto) gives his life by way of bow and arrows for her, she still manages to stumble around and slow down Jessie (Eliza Dushku). Even her stumbling is annoying.
*did you just rip one and play it off like you didn’t?*
It’s a performance for the ages. A performance that resinates so many eye rolls from the audience and obscenities thrown at the screen until finally….finally Carly meets her demise. Coincidence that her head is sliced in half by way of her mouth? I think not. Yes she’s hot and yes, we may have fantasized about a hot lesbian make out session between her and Jessie while they were in the old watchtower. But hotness only gets you so far in life and an ear grating tongue trumps all in the end. So here’s to you Carly from 2003’s Wrong Turn. May you shut the f*ck up in peace now.