Shut The F*ck Up: The Psychic Lady From ‘Jeepers Creepers’ (2001)

I think everybody has watched a horror movie where they just want to (or actually do) yell at one of the characters onscreen and say “Shut the f*ck up!”. That classic annoying person that you hope dies a gruesome, but entertaining, death to make up for what they’ve just subjected your eyes and ears to.  Enter in my new ongoing Dirty Horror feature called Shut The F*ck Up! and witness our first inductee into this prestigious category.  It’s Jezelle the psychic lady from 2001’s Jeepers Creepers!

“Have you seen the cats yet???”  No Jezelle.  We haven’t seen the cats yet. But we’ll be sure to let you know when we do!  Good god.  This woman annoyed the shit out of me in this movie.  To be fair, it’s nothing against the actual actress Patricia Belcher.  It’s the whole psychic character that really got on my nerves.  To recap quickly for those who don’t know the movie:  Darry (Justin Long) and his sister Patricia (Gina Philips) are on the run from the kick ass horror villain, The Creeper.  They stop at a local diner to call the cops, and in addition – they get a call on the pay phone from the local psychic Jezelle, and she goes on to ask Darry about some cats and plays a “Jeepers Creepers” song for him on an old record player.

*even your silence annoys me*

She also knows that Darry has a rose tattoo around his belly button, which is a whole other issue that we don’t really have time to discuss right now.  But anyway, Jezelle also ends up at the police station towards the end of the movie too and spits her brilliant words of wisdom to the cops and the brother/sister duo.  Some of the gems that come out of the psychic lady’s mouth are: “Screaming the last scream you’ll ever scream”  And – “Something so terrible you couldn’t even dream of it….not in your worst most terrible nightmare!” This is all in the middle of her continuously asking and talking about those fucking cats.  Did I mention that Darry had a rose tattoo around his belly button?

*I would have gone with a Daffodil instead*

There is a moment in the police station when The Creeper sneaks up behind Jezelle and we finally think that she is going to pay for all of her annoyances and crappy one-liners.  And then he lets her go.  WTF?!?  He obviously should have snatched her tongue out of her mouth, but sadly, I guess he didn’t need a new one yet.  Yes, Jezelle lives and poor Darry has his peepers plucked out. Where’s the justice???  At least she didn’t make an appearance in Victor Salva’s 2003 sequel.  But a bunch of shirtless dudes did.  Yeah, Victor’s known for having a sweet spot for the boys.  On second thought – Jezelle would have been a welcome addition.

*soaking up the rays*

So here’s to you Jezelle the annoying psychic lady from Jeepers Creepers.  I frequently wanted to yell “Shut the f*ck up!” at you, but you’re still better than a bunch of shirtless dudes hand-picked by a creepy child molesting director.

*ring around the rosie*