When The Poster Is Better Than The Movie: ‘Trick Or Treats’ (1982)

Posted on September 30, 2022 by Dirty Horror

Surprisingly, I have not seen every Halloween-themed horror movie. And one of those that I hadn’t seen was 1982’s Trick or Treats! Not to be confused with Trick or Treat…or Trick ‘r Treat, I had remembered seeing the VHS version of Trick or Treats when I was kid – but I never rented it. Over the years, I became more and more curious because I had nothing better to do with my life. And the other night, it finally happened after 45 years! I had sex. Oh, and also I finally watched Trick or Treats!

And, I started a new paragraph to leave you in more suspense as to what my thoughts on the movie are. Well, I’ll get to the point I suppose: It was shit. Not even good shit, if you know what I mean. Like, I didn’t even finish the movie. That might be a first as far as Halloween-themed horror movies. Some lowlights: There was a kid playing pranks and a crazy guy escaping an asylum, David Carradine was in it for some reason, and also some person with the last name ‘Snodgrass’ which made me laugh. But anyway, I’ll save you the time and show you the best thing below about the movie…..the poster. So steer clear of Trick or Treats if you haven’t seen it, and go watch the other two movies with ‘Trick’ and ‘Treat’ in the titles instead!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Diner (1987)

Posted on March 15, 2019 by Dirty Horror

We need more horror movies based around a diner where two brothers murder people to appease their dead serial killer uncle, attempting to resurrect a goddess named Sheetar. What? There’s no market for that anymore? Pfffft. But anyway, who remembers Blood Diner???? That wacky horror/comedy directed by Jackie Kong that developed a strong cult following since it’s 30-some year old release in 1987. Yes, the movie is tremendous trash – but I want to talk about the original poster, which I remember used to hang in my local Mom & Pop video store.

God I love that poster! Oh, and that tagline “First They Greet You, Then They Eat You.” is perfection. I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but there really wasn’t a better time for horror than in the 80’s. The posters alone were on another level, and this Blood Diner one is no exception. During that time, even if the movie ended up being crap – a good poster would lure you in and make you grab it off the shelf to take home and pop into your dusty-ass VHS player. But enough of my blabbering about the days of old…….go watch Blood Diner if you haven’t already! If you don’t, Sheetar will be paying you a visit.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Vamp (1986)

Posted on April 4, 2017 by Dirty Horror

I’m sucker for fangs. Ahhhhhh – see what I did there? Unintentional puns are the best! So it’s really no surprise that one of my favorite horror movie posters of all time is for the 1986 horror/comedy hybrid Vamp.

Quite honestly, it’s a gorgeous poster. Now just a quick sidebar: If you haven’t seen Vamp, then you might not get the subtle awesomeness of the poster. This post is strictly about just that, so I won’t disclose my feelings on the actual movie (but with Grace Jones, vampires, boobs, and pure cheesiness – how can you go wrong?).

The poster is simple, but it works. The red from the lips pops right off, with the ‘V’ and the ‘M’ in the title forming a pair of fangs of course. This movie is about vampires, so fangs are a must somewhere on the poster. The only thing I’m not jazzed about is the Vamp tagline “A Frightening Comedy“. Meh. Pretty boring and could have used something more fun and clever to coincide with the tone of the movie. But overall, I honestly love this poster and would display it proudly on a wall next to my Grace Jones shrine. Fangs for reading this post and look out for the next installment of ‘Horror Movie Posters I Love‘!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: The Devil’s Candy (2016)

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Dirty Horror

It’s rare that I see a horror movie poster and get a boner. What’s even more rare is when that poster doesn’t have a scantily clad woman on it, but instead has a guy with a wicked guitar and lots of blood. Ok – this isn’t helping my cause. Just take a look at the new poster for The Devil’s Candy and let the horror boners commence!

BOING!!! Ok, now I’m just hearing about The Devil’s Candy, but much like the poster – the movie itself sounds awesome too. Check the brief synopsis below:

“In this creepily haunted-house tale a struggling painter is possessed by satanic forces after he and his young family move into their dream home in rural Texas.“

The Devil’s Candy premiered last year at the Toronto International Film Festival and the response seemed to be overwhelmingly positive. No said date for a release here in the US and no trailer yet (which mildly kills my horror boner), but fear not – because the poster is a good sign of good things to come! Satanic happenings? Metal music? Lots of blood? Yes, yes, and yes please. Stay tuned for more info on The Devil’s Candy!

Hey! That Horror Movie Poster Has My Name On It! (Xtro – 1983)

Posted on November 3, 2015 by Dirty Horror

Well, I took about a week’s hiatus from writing and decided to come back with a ridiculous post about horror movie posters that have my first name on them. Nothing but the best bottom-of-the-barrel writing here, folks! Oh, but it’s not just any movie or movie poster that I’m talking about. It’s none other than the 1983 British alien horror movie Xtro!!!!

See, my name is Tony. And in the poster up there, in case you couldn’t see the large font, it says “When Tony grows up, he’s going to be just like Daddy!“. So naturally when I was younger and saw this, I got excited since me and the kid in the movie apparently had the same name. And then I watched the movie and was less excited. Actually, I take that back. Xtro is pure entertaining horror movie trash and it should be praised for that.

Do you want to see an alien rape a woman? Xtro has you covered! Want to see a woman give birth to a full-grown alien man? Xtro has that too! In fact, the more that I think about it, Xtro has everything you could possibly want in an 80’s horror movie! Including my name as a character in the movie and on the poster like I’ve already mentioned a few times. Now I know what you’re thinking……How does a woman give birth to a full-grown man? I wouldn’t leave you hanging with that inquisition, so check out the clip below to see!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Creepers (1985)

Posted on November 18, 2014 by Dirty Horror

Movies with two names kind of annoy me. But so is usually the case when we’re talking about the Italian horror genre. No matter if you want to call Dario Argento’s 1985 psychic/insect movie Creepers or Phenomena, it has one of the best posters EVER!

Now for whatever reason, there is a version of this poster that isn’t exposing Jennifer Connelly’s half-decaying bug face, but clearly the un-edited version is the keeper here. The image above is actually an ad for the promotion of the VHS version of Creepers, but the tagline on the original poster is “It Will Make Your Skin Crawl“. Fitting, considering there are a bunch of bugs flying around that could actually make your skin crawl.

I have to confess that I haven’t seen this movie in years. And after looking at this poster again, I definitely need to revisit it. Not only does it have the late great Donald Pleasence in it, but how the fuck can you go wrong with a movie that has Iron Maiden and Motorhead on the soundtrack? Another thing that this poster is making me realize is that we need more horror movies about bugs. Whether it’s spiders, cockroaches, or maybe a random remake of 1988’s movie about killer slugs appropriately titled Slugs – everyone can relate to bugs! Get on that Hollywood. Until then, it’s off to Amazon to purchase Creepers or Phenomena or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Beach (1980)

Posted on September 18, 2014 by Dirty Horror

I’ve always been a bit scared of going into the ocean and I guess I have Jaws to thank for most of that fear. Truth be told though, I think I’m more scared of jellyfish. But what about the sand???? What if something besides crabs lurked in the sand???? Newsflash in case you didn’t know, but in 1980 there was a movie called Blood Beach that explored that very thought. It’s a ‘so crappy, so good’ type of movie, but boy oh boy – what a poster it had!

She’s really selling that ‘Oh my god I’m being swallowed into the sand!‘ expression, isn’t she? Kudos on the Jaws-biting tagline btw. This was at the beginning of the booming 80’s horror craze where basically anything went. Including killer sand apparently. Gotta love it though, and I absolutely LOVE this poster! It embodies everything that was great about 80’s horror movies and it definitely catches your eye for more than one reason. That’s a pretty snazzy purple leopard-print bikini by the way. Go seek out Blood Beach if you haven’t seen it (screen vets John Saxon and Burt Young are involved), and I apologize if I’ve given you Eremikophobia. That’s the fear of sand – see, you learned something from this post.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: I, Madman (1989)

Posted on June 24, 2014 by Dirty Horror

What the hell happened to the good horror movie posters? They seem far and between now unfortunately, which is pretty depressing since they’re sometimes the best thing about a movie. Not the case with the cinematic gem I’m highlighting this time around on ‘Horror Movie Posters I Love‘ though. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the poster for the 1989 underrated slasher flick: I, Madman

I used to have this poster hanging on my closet door when I was 13 years old. True story. Now, I could honestly go on and on about my love for the actual movie, but I’m focusing on the poster here. It’s captures exactly what the film is about in it’s style and even has a couple cheesy 80’s taglines to round the awesomeness out. I’m always a sucker for a good hypodermic needle too. I, Madman is a fairly original horror gem if you haven’t seen it, and this poster does the movie tons of justice. Seek the movie out if you can my friends (you can find a cheap copy on Ebay), and until then just keep dazing up at that horror poster goodness.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Hatchet (2006)

Posted on March 13, 2014 by Dirty Horror

I love a movie that knows where it belongs. And Adam Green definitely knows that his 2006 throwback slasher flick Hatchet (and the sequels for that matter) belongs in the 80’s. The only problem is that the original poster didn’t exactly have that true 80’s feel, but this one below done by artist Justin Osbourn sure as hell did.

Boing! Horror boner going on over here. TMI. Fright Rags put 250 of these beauties up for sale a while back and all were numbered and signed by Victor Crowley himself, Kane Hodder. This poster just screams 80’s and is everything that is right in the horror world. I read that Adam Green was so impressed as well that he would have used it to promote Hatchet during the release. Bad news is that I see none of these up on Ebay for sale. The good news is that you can just gaze at it here and get your fix.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Popcorn (1991)

Posted on February 6, 2014 by Dirty Horror

I love me a good horror movie that’s set in a movie theater. The 1985 Italian gorefest Demons easily being my favorite, but one not far behind is a little genre gem called Popcorn. Never heard of it? You might not be alone. This post however, is about posters and the Popcorn poster graced my eyes back in 1991 at my local Mom & Pop video store.

Let’s talk taglines here. ‘Buy a bag…Go home in a box.‘ That right there folks is part of what’s missing in horror movies nowadays. Sure, it’s cheesy, but therein lies the charm. And if you’ve seen Popcorn, you know that it’s full of charm. Some might say it’s full of something else, but I digress.

I’ve said it before: throw a skull on a poster and I’ll most likely be down no matter what. And the Popcorn poster uses the skull wisely, managing to pull you in and give you a 50’s horror vibe at the same time. I dig the mention of ‘The Possessor’ storyline in the top left corner as well. Overall, I just love the nostalgic feel of this poster! Seek the movie out (it’s up on Youtube and I recommend it) if you will, or just gaze at the delicious artwork above to get your Popcorn fix on. And throw some extra butter on it while you’re at it.

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