Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Beach (1980)

I’ve always been a bit scared of going into the ocean and I guess I have Jaws to thank for most of that fear.  Truth be told though, I think I’m more scared of jellyfish.  But what about the sand????  What if something besides crabs lurked in the sand????  Newsflash in case you didn’t know, but in 1980 there was a movie called Blood Beach that explored that very thought.  It’s a ‘so crappy, so good’ type of movie, but boy oh boy – what a poster it had!

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She’s really selling that ‘Oh my god I’m being swallowed into the sand!‘ expression, isn’t she?  Kudos on the Jaws-biting tagline btw.  This was at the beginning of the booming 80’s horror craze where basically anything went. Including killer sand apparently.  Gotta love it though, and I absolutely LOVE this poster!  It embodies everything that was great about 80’s horror movies and it definitely catches your eye for more than one reason.  That’s a pretty snazzy purple leopard-print bikini by the way.  Go seek out Blood Beach if you haven’t seen it (screen vets John Saxon and Burt Young are involved), and I apologize if I’ve given you Eremikophobia.  That’s the fear of sand – see, you learned something from this post.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Ghoulies (1985)

I love a good pun.  And something that I love even more than good puns are slimy green creatures with bad teeth that stick their heads up out of toilets.  So, naturally it was a win-win situation for me when I first gazed upon the poster for Ghoulies back in 1985.

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Take a good look at that beauty of a poster……because the actual movie is pretty awful so the poster is really all that we have going for us unfortunately. Yes, Ghoulies as a film is not good.  But dammit if those involved with the marketing knocked it out of the park, because the poster and cover art for the VHS lured people into watching this crap.  Sure, it’s an 80’s guilty pleasure to some and uncomfortable toilet paper to others – but you can’t deny the sheer genius of the tagline ‘They’ll Get You In The End!” along with the image of that green Ghoulie coming out of the crapper.  Speaking of crap and crappers, they rode that toilet theme all the way to Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. That’s right….they actually went to college.

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When The Poster Is Better Than The Movie: Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1986)

Let that baby sink in for a minute.  Now that’s a cheesy 80’s horror movie poster!  Effective to say the least, the poster for 1986’s Mountaintop Motel Massacre brought the goodness.  Unfortunately, the movie was straight doodoo.

The plot involves a crazy old lady named Evelyn who murders people who stay at her motel.  And how does she do this?  By popping up from secret contraptions via a tunnel in the guest’s rooms and dropping off rattlesnakes, cockroaches, and rats.  And she swings a mean little sickle too.  Albeit she swings it very, very slowly and it boggled my mind how some of these grown ass men didn’t just kick her old ass down before she ended up stabbing them. Oh well.

Did I mention there’s a black guy named Crewshaw (yes, Crewshaw) who has some snappy dialogue and zingers throughout the movie?  Case in point: Crewshaw is awoken by having about fifty cockroaches crawling all over him thanks to Eveyln and promptly let’s off this jewel – “They shoulda called this a roach motel!“.  Oh, that Crewshaw!  Too bad he gets his hand chopped off and throat slit later.

My biggest reason why the poster for Mountaintop Motel Massacre is better than the actual movie is the classic case of ‘bait and switch’.  Unless my eyes are foggy, the crazy woman on the poster is that the same crazy woman in the movie.  False advertising!  For shame.  And the debate can rage on about whether or not I’ve proven my point with all of this, but there is one thing that I know we can all agree on:  Crewshaw and his awesome name will forever be missed.  RIP.