Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Malachai From ‘Children Of The Corn’ (1984)

Sometimes if you are a young kid growing up in a small town, you feel the need to want to kill anyone over the age of 18 to appease a religious entity so you can have a full and healthy corn harvest for the year.  A bit excessive?  Yes.  But think of all of that delicious buttery corn you can eat because of it!  Sometimes, corn isn’t important though and hair is.  A random sentence, sure, but when you’re talking about a hair specimen as glorious as the one on top of Malachai from Children Of The Corn – you’ll let all of that randomness slide.


Issac can’t even concentrate while Malachai is yelling at him because his hair his so hypnotizing and magnificent.  Bonus points for it being red btw.  I’m almost half-waiting for Issac to bring some shampoo up into the shot and “Feel the rain on your skin….” to start playing in the background.  Sure, Malachai was pretty scary in Children Of The Corn – but his hair definitely was not.  So without further adieu, it gives me great honor to induct Malachai aka Courtney Gains into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now all of you outlanders get out of this post!

Give Me The Creeps: The Opening Scene From ‘Children Of The Corn’ (1984)

Growing up living next to a cornfield, there were always certain things that worried me.  What if the scarecrows came to life and attacked my house in the middle of the night?  Or what if I was running through the cornfield chasing after a baseball and one of the cornstalk leaves accidentally slit my throat? Better still – what if a group of kids in town decided to murder all of the adults to ensure a successful corn harvest and sacrifice someone in the cornfield to appease a God called ‘He Who Walks Behind The Rows‘?  That last one sounds like something from a movie.  Oh – it is from a movie!  Duh.

When the movie adaptation of Stephen King’s short story for Children Of The Corn came out in 1984, I remember watching it on cable around that same time as a young boy.  I had just started getting into horror movies, so I was adventurous and hadn’t really been affected by anything except maybe the truck explosion scene in George Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead.  But dammit if that opening scene to Children Of The Corn still doesn’t fuck me up:

Three things come to mind when I watch that clip:

–  The coffee in Gatlin, Nebraska is pretty terrible.  

–  Milkshake whipped cream mustaches are funny even during mass murders.

–  If you need to test the effectiveness of your meat slicer, put someone’s hand in it. 

Now unfortunately, the rest of the movie didn’t live up to the hype of the opening scene.  Sure, we get a pretty good bad guy in Isaac and get a classic line from his right hand man Malachai (“Outlander!!!!!  We have your woman!”) – but overall everything was downhill after the intro for the most part.  But what an intro it was, and it’s quite the high honor that it kind of still gives me the creeps.  So to recap, Children Of The Corn opening scene = good.  The rest of Children Of The Corn = not so good.  Now let’s see a pic of Malachai’s luscious red hair to round this sucker out.


Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Old Lady Hit By Truck’ From ‘Children Of The Corn II – The Final Sacrifice’ (1992)

They really don’t make them like Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice anymore.  Actually they do, I’m just trying to build this post up to be bigger than it actually is, when honestly I’m just going to show you a clip of an old lady getting hit by a truck.

Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday where as you already know, I’m spotlighting a scene from the awful but enjoyable Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice.  This was indeed the first of many sequels to the original Children Of The Corn movie from 1984.  The clip involves a group of the town’s cult kids with their leader Micah, stalking an old lady in a wheelchair with a remote control car.  What happens next of course, is both tragic and pretty hilarious:

Yep.  That might be the worst, but maybe best, dummy I’ve ever seen in a horror movie.  They really just didn’t give a shit, did they?  Oh well, it makes it all the more enjoyable because I don’t think Children Of The Corn II is supposed to be taken that seriously.  I will have to admit that this forgotten sequel has some pretty good death scenes to make up for it’s lack of acting and plot.  Case in point, this nifty little clip below that shows the power of Micah and his wooden voodoo doll.  And in church nonetheless!  For shame, Micah.  For shame.