How Bad Can You F*ck Up A ‘Cujo’ Remake?

Pretty bad apparently.  I heard the news the other day that there was indeed a Cujo remake in the works.  At first glance, it’s not a terrible idea to update the 1983 original, because it’s a movie that actually could benefit from the remake treatment.  All of those thoughts quickly drifted out of my mind when I found out this potential remake is going to be called not just Cujo, but C.U.J.O. – and that of course would stand for Canine Unit Joint Operations.  What do you think of that Dee Wallace Stone?


Yeah – we’re right there with you, sister.  Now, not much has been said about what the actual plot of this remake will be, but judging from the title, here’s what I can determine:  We’re going to have a bunch of slobbering and foaming at the mouth Saint Bernards who got bit by rabid bats running around in the military and carrying out special co-op missions while a grown up version of the kid from Who’s The Boss watches on and applauds their progress.

While I hope I’m wrong (except for the part about Danny Pintauro returning), it does seem as though there’s going to be some kind of military element involved here.  Which makes absolutely no fucking sense.  This sounds like it should be more a Man’s Best Friend remake instead of a Cujo one.  For those not aware, Man’s Best Friend was a pretty terrible 1993 movie about a killer Mastiff dog who can climb trees to eat cats and it also had this precious tagline:  Nature created him. Science perfected him. But no one can control him.  So to take that bad taste out of our mouths of the upcoming Cujo – oh I’m sorry – C.U.J.O. remake, let’s watch the trailer to Man’s Best Friend instead.  


So If This ‘Cujo’ Remake Really Happens……

……..I hate to say it, but I’d be on board.  Why you ask?  Because I think horror needs a good killer animal movie that doesn’t air on the SyFy Channel on a Saturday night.  So yes, word got out the other day that the original production company and distributor from 1983’s Cujo, Sunn Classic Pictures, wants to commemorate the upcoming 30th Anniversary of the film with a new version.  Normally I’d be on the whole “f*ck remakes!” bandwagon, but something about this one sits right with me.  Just as long as they get another cast member from Who’s The Boss to have an asthma attack in the movie. (fingers crossed for Tony Danza)

*someone got into the strawberry jelly again!*

Question is – would they stick with the rabid St. Bernard or go a different route all together?  A rabid Beagle perhaps? A Shih Tzu?  Or maybe we can jump on the whole ‘pantyhose on a dog’ craze and do something with that?  Nah……stick with the St. Bernard and keep it classic.  He’s hulking, menacing, and at times he can be quite lovable too! Minus the foaming at the mouth of course. Unless you’re into that kind of thing.  Stay tuned for more Cujo remake news and prepare for a Stephen King statement denouncing the movie!

*the real tragedy is that she paid full price for those shoes*