I’ve said it before:  it takes a lot to creep me out in a horror movie.  But in 1992, an urban legend come to life did just that.  And thy name was Candyman.  I figured if I said ‘thy’ instead of ‘the’, it would have more of an impact.  But yes, the bee-mouthed, big hook swinging, ex-slave creeped me out in a big way. Loved the whole “say his name 5 times and he will appear” schtick and loved Tony Todd’s portrayal of the instant horror icon even more.  I couldn’t wait to see where they would take the franchise, and in 1995, I found out.

Gone was the inner city Chicago setting and the replacement would be a New Orleans ‘Mardi Gras’ environment.  Not a horrible sequel by any means, Candyman 2: Farewell To The Flesh would indeed flesh out more of the Candyman backstory and give us some decent kills in the meantime.  A step down for sure from the 1992 introduction, but that would be nothing compared to the direct to DVD, 90-degree drop that would be Candyman 3: Day Of The Dead.

*sorry….I had to ball gag you to appease the audience watching your acting*

You want to know how to kill a franchise and a horror icon?  Here you go! Proof is in the shitty movie pudding, because there has never been another Candyman movie after this 1999 piece of crap.  Oh yeah – you sense my anger?  It’s justified because they took a memorable and creepy horror villain and sacrificed him to the Direct-to-DVD gods and didn’t even kiss him afterwards.  To me, this is far worse than what happened to Freddy, Jason, or Michael.  Although having Freddy Krueger rap with The Fat Boys is hard to top.  But it’s almost as if with this third entry into the Candyman series, they just literally gave up.  The plot alone is enough to pull out my hair if I had any: Candyman returns to haunt an LA art dealer with big boobs who is a distant relative and then he kills people associated with her and frames her for the murders and then….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..oh sorry, I dozed off there.

*when you’re sliding into first, and you feel a sudden burst…..*

Aside from the dumb plot, let’s throw one time Baywatch beauty Donna D’Errico in as the lead.  Play a fun drinking game and drink every time she says something stupid or gives an equally stupid expression or reaction.  If watching her run around in a tank top can justify seeing the movie, by all means, indulge yourself.  The only other justification to watch is for a good ‘backseat hook through the mouth’ kill scene, but you can just find that on Youtube and be done with it.  Tony Todd to me is and will always be Candyman, much like Robert England is impossible to replace (which has been proven) as Freddy Krueger.  But I’m on board with a Candyman reboot. And I’m not even opposed to Tony strapping on the hook again.  I think he could pull it off.  But please….I beg of you.  Don’t let the Candyman legacy end with this 1999 Direct-to-DVD shitfest.  What say you now has-been and insult to real Scream Queens, Donna D’Errico?

Exactly.