Don’t Forget About ‘Hauntedween’ This Halloween!

I always love entertaining horror movie titles.  So you can imagine my excitement with a title like Hauntedween.  Yes, Hauntedween……a lovely little independent slasher from 1991 that reminds me so much of my old video store that I used to frequent as a teen.  Why you ask?  Because I can still remember seeing the VHS cover for the movie.

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(photo credit: vhscollector)

You have to admit, it’s a pretty sweet cover.  And the mask is actually pretty fucking creepy.  Now granted, this movie falls into the ‘so bad it’s good’ category – but in a very unapologetic way.  And I can respect that when it comes to 80’s/90’s horror slashers.  Considering I remember Hauntedween specifically in VHS form, it should be noted that if you have an original VHS copy then it is definitely worth some cash.  In a season where everyone is watching Michael Myers and little Sam and his lollipop, seek out Hauntedween even if it’s just on Youtube.  To wet your appetite for Hauntedween (can you tell that I really love to say Hauntedween), here’s a clip below of the killer who is clearly distraught over his mother dying.  Or maybe he’s just bummed he dropped his wood.

Fun Fact: Trick Or Treat (Not Trick ‘R Treat) Has A Surprising Tomatometer On Rotten Tomatoes!

Sometimes when I get bored, I type older horror movies into the Rotten Tomatoes ‘search box’ and see what the Tomatometer is.  And since it’s that time of the year for Halloween-themed horror movies, I figured I would type in a movie that is synonymous with Halloween:  Trick Or Treat.  Now I know that some of you newbies to the horror world might think I meant the fantastic anthology horror movie that came out in 2007 (with a slightly different name), but I am talking about the heavy metal horror awesomeness that came out in 1986!

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So what would you guess that the Tomatometer is for Trick Or Treat?  10%?  40%?  Hmmmmmm……try 71%!  Granted that’s only out of 7 reviews (5 fresh and 2 rotten), but impressive nonetheless considering the type of horror movie that Trick Or Treat is.  The storyline:  Ridiculous.  The soundtrack:  Straight 80’s metal goodness.  But in a time when the 80’s were churning out a lot of cheesy horror movies, it’s nice to see this one get some love on Rotten Tomatoes.  As one reviewer put it – “Yes, it’s trash, but it’s special trash to me.”  Couldn’t have said better myself random reviewer!

So the next time you’re thinking of a cheesy old school horror movie, and you want to see if any reviewers gave it any love – look it up on Rotten Tomatoes and you may be surprised!  Jesus – this whole post sounded like I just jerked off Rotten Tomatoes and gave them a bunch of free publicity.  They could have at least bought me dinner first.

Look At All Of The Horror Movies In Theaters This Halloween Weekend!

Halloween is almost upon us!  Yes, only a few days away and luckily to get you in the mood – your local movie theater has a lot to offer in the way of HORROR this weekend. Looking for something truly frightening?  Then why not go see………Boo! A Madea Halloween!  Yeah, that’s not going to work.  But something that might work is a blood-curdling ‘scare you shitless’ horror movie that’s coming out this weekend called……..Inferno!  Oooooh…..scarrrrrrry.  Wait a minute, isn’t that the Tom Hanks Da Vinci Code sequel movie?  That’s not scary.  But then why are they promoting it like it is? Last night while watching TV, a commercial came on for Inferno and right away it said this:

This Halloween…….Inferno is coming! (cue scary intense music and heavily edited video)

Really, guys?  I get it.  There’s nothing horror-related coming out this weekend for Halloween.  But do we have to try and trick people into thinking that Inferno is a horror movie?  Just accept the fact that Hollywood found it unnecessary to release a horror movie on Halloween weekend.  In fact, Ouija: Origin Of Evil is the only horror movie really released in theaters this month at all.  I read online that horror is a year-round phenomenon now, so there’s no need to release a horror movie for the sake of it being Halloween weekend.  Get the fuck outta here is what I have to say to that.

The good news from all of this?  There are plenty of new and old releases that you can watch via your Blu-ray player or Netflix to get your horror fix this weekend.  But it’s times like this where I actually miss going to see the next Saw movie or even another Paranormal Activity sequel.  Considering I haven’t seen Ouija: Origin Of Evil and have heard good things about it, I think I’ll be supporting my horror habit by going to check that out.  Sorry, Tom Hanks…..if I want to get a Halloween fix from you – I’m just going to watch your Saturday Night Live sketch with your character David Pumpkins.  Any questions???

Random Halloween Costume Ideas: Sammi Curr From ‘Trick Or Treat’ (1986)

Upon sitting here thinking about what I could go as for Halloween this year, numerous options crossed my mind:  Barf from Spaceballs, a zombiefied Lemmy Kilmister, or maybe a parrot?  And then it hit me like a lightning bolt!  Has anyone ever gone as Sammi Curr from the 1986 heavy metal horror flick Trick Or Treat?  A quick Google search led me to no results.  Could this be the holy grail of untouched Halloween costumes???

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Oh this costume would be a piece of cake.  Just head on down to the local S&M store to get some of the clothing accessories.  Then rip a perfectly good black sheer shirt to shreds.  Next, get an 80’s metal hair wig from literally any Halloween costume shop.  And finally, add some burn make-up effects onto your face and chest, or if you really want to make it realistic – just burn yourself for real.  It’ll heal up just fine.  Now remember, I’m just thinking out loud here about my great Halloween costume idea, so none of you bastards better steal it!  If I see a bunch of Sammi Currs running around LA this year, I swear I’ll lose my shit.  Happy Halloween, everyone!

Anticipation Alert: Tales Of Halloween (2015)

Halloween is only three months away, and I’m already getting all of my ‘required viewing’ horror movies lined up to start the celebration.  In 2007, the ridiculously good anthology flick Trick ‘r Treat came busting onto the scene and has earned a right into that ‘required viewing’ category.  And speaking of Halloween anthology movies, I’m pretty excited this year because a new one called Tales Of Halloween is coming out on October 16th (limited theaters and VOD), and if the trailer below is any indication – we’re in for a fun ride:

Early word and buzz on this is that it’s as fun as the trailer looks.  Comprised of 10 short stories each done by a different director that intertwine throughout, Tales Of Halloween looks to be exactly what we need to cure our Halloween movie blues.  And the fact that there are some of your favorite horror actors, actresses, and directors involved only sweetens the deal.  Who you ask?  How about Neil Marshall, Darren Lynn Bousman, Lucky McKee, Lin Shaye, Adrienne Barbeau, John Landis, and Barbara Crampton to name a few.  So get ready for Tales Of Halloween hitting select theaters on October 16th and you will also have the option to relax in your own home and check it out on VOD.

October And Halloween Are Almost Here: Check Out The Horror Releases Coming To Theaters!

C’mon September.  Get your lame ass over with already because October is waiting around the corner and I bet it’s got a bunch of horror movies lined up to get all of us ready for Halloween!  I’m salivating already, but I also have a drooling problem at times so it’s hard to differentiate between the two.  Alright! So what’s the first big horror movie that the studios are going to throw at us to blow us away?

 

Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D (October 4th)

Wait……ok.  Starting us off slow I see so that you can deliver that knockout punch later, right?  Sorry Dario, but Dracula 3D is dog shit and you don’t get a pass just because you gave us Suspiria.  Not to mention that this movie will probably only be playing in 5 theaters across the country.  Next please.

 

All The Boys Love Mandy Lane (October 11th) 

Yeeeeah – now we’re not talking!  What the fuck?  A movie (subpar movie at that) that was originally supposed to come out 7 years ago and a movie that I watched online….well….7 years ago.  Sigh.  Bear in mind as you keep reading this post that the amazing Halloween anthology movie Trick ‘r Treat NEVER got any kind of theatrical release.  Ok, let’s move on because I’m starting to get depressed.

 

Carrie (October 18th) 

Given the news that they finally revealed that the Carrie remake will indeed be Rated R, it perked my interest up just a tad.  Overall though, this is another unnecessary remake that I’m sure will have great performances by Julianne Moore and Chloe Grace Moretz, but feels sacrilegious (pun!) to me.  Stepping into Sissy Spacek’s shoes is a tough task, but I get it, this is the Carrie for the “new” generation.  Looks pretty much like a shot-for-shot remake too which……YAWN…….sorry, I’m already bored with the movie just talking about it.    I’m sure something big is planned for the weekend before Halloween to make up for all of this nonsense!

 

………………………….. (October 25th)

No, that’s not the title of a movie.  It’s symbolizing that there is no movie.  Let me say it a little louder so you can understand.  THERE IS NO HORROR MOVIE COMING TO THEATERS THE WEEKEND BEFORE HALLOWEEN!  It’s at this point in the post that I actually miss the Saw movies.  And I maybe even miss the Paranormal Activity movies a little too.  Just a little.  Horror is big right now, and this is the best that the studios can give us this year for the Halloween month of October?  Ahh fuck it – I’m just going to go pop in my Night Of The Demons DVD and watch Linnea Quigley push a tube of lipstick into her nipple.