The horror business is really booming on television right now. I’m talking about you, The Walking Dead. And you, American Horror Story. But not so much about you Dracula, because you’re probably going to get cancelled. The point I’m trying to make here is that to get your horror fix nowadays, there are more than enough viable ways to get it on the old boob tube. So that must mean that since horror is all the rage on TV, we’re going to have a lot to choose from on the big screen too, right? Nope. No sir. No ma’am. No shit.
I did a little piece last month about the absence of horror movies for October and more importantly, for Halloween. Sure we had the Carrie remake to satisfy our urge, but unfortunately, I had to go eat ten Snickers bars afterward to get my true satisfaction due to the fact that the movie sucked ass. And now I look into my magic horror crystal ball toward the future months ahead and I see………….absolutely nothing. You might think I’m exaggerating, oh but I’m not. Not unless you’re seriously excited about Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.
You know the excitement you get when a big horror movie is coming out? Well prepare to push that excitement to the limit when I, Frankenstein comes out on January 24th! Oh yeah! Looks like if you’ve been yearning for something that could be just as terrible as Van Helsing, you’ll be in luck on January 24th. And if you’re not tired of the whole found footage “my baby might be the Devil” storyline, make sure to check out Devil’s Due a week earlier on January 17th! Wow! Maybe I was wrong about all of this! Sarcasm can go a long way, especially when you’re talking about crappy horror movies that are coming out in theaters over the next few months.
In fact, it’s not until The Purge 2 on June 20th, that a somewhat favorable horror movie comes out, and even that one’s a little suspect. But seriously. June 20th? There will be a few diamonds in the rough along the way that will most likely be limited releases (Wolf Creek 2, Here Comes The Devil), but the horror well looks to be pretty dry my friends. Unless of course you’ve been fiending for Leprechaun: Origins. So turn on your televisions horror fans and relish in the silver lining throughout all of this. The fact that you can save some movie theater cash and go see Saw VIII ten times when it comes out in October. Now that is a silver lining.