Missed Opportunities: ‘The Carnival Scene’ From ‘Texas Chainsaw’ (2013)

Upon seeing the underwhelming trailer for the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie that’s coming out this month on Netflix, it got me to thinking that maybe I had been too hard on some of the franchise’s previous sequel/reboot efforts. So I took Texas Chainsaw from 2013 for another spin and the impression it left me with (besides Alexandra Daddario having an amazing shirt), was that the carnival scene was such a wasted opportunity! Gadzooks!

Now, I will say that this scene gave me a smile and a chuckle (kind of like Jason Voorhees walking around New York for all but 15 minutes) – but they could have done so much more, and there should have been so much more chainsaw carnage! And I’m sorry – but who dropped the ball on letting Leatherface take a quick break and play a carnival game?? Wasted opportunity. And who are the ad wizards that came up with him NOT riding the Ferris wheel?? Another wasted opportunity.

I guess the ridiculous chainsaw throw at the end was alright, until Leatherface scurried into the woods like a scared possum. But I digress. How about Alexandra Daddario’s shirt though? In any event, be sure to check out the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Netflix starting February 18th. Carnival most likely not included this time.

Anticipation Alert: Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Prequel)

Dammit.  There’s nothing worse for me than having to say that I may have been wrong about something.  A few months back, I did a post about the news of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel, cleverly titled Leatherface, being developed and I pretty much raked it over the coals.  And then the director (or should I say directors) were announced last week.  Gulp.


It looks as though Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo have signed on to direct Leatherface.  Why is that gulp-inducing news?  Because the French team directed one of my favorite and one of the most jaw-dropping horror movies I’ve ever seen called Inside back in 2007.  Not only that, but I also dug their artistic take on the vampire genre called Livid in 2011.  So what does all of this mean?  It means that Leatherface is in good hands and you can proceed to get your hopes up now!

Granted, we still are going to have to relive teenage Leatherface in the 70’s, complete with acne and awkward voice changes – but I honestly feel that if anyone can make this work, it’s this directing duo.  Cross your fingers for a minimum amount of studio involvement.  And also cross your fingers that Renee Zellweger doesn’t make an appearance.


Terrible Halloween Mask Of The Week: Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

I’m really on a hot streak lately with finding some super unnecessarily hairy Halloween masks based on your favorite horror icons.  The other week I found a ‘Larry from The Three Stooges’ inspired rubber monstrosity of Michael Myers that you can see HERE.  And this week, I’ve stroke gold again with what looks to be a Leatherface mask fully equipped with some wild, untamed hair.


Yeah, that just happened.  Now look – I know that everybody needs to find ways to make a buck and try to survive.  But who in holy hell thought that this was a good idea?  The face work is serviceable, albeit a little over-the-top, but can we talk about the hairy elephant in the room here?  I’m no Leatherface expert and it’s not my place to act like I know what he does in his spare time, but I highly doubt he goes to the hair salon and gets his hair put in curlers.  And that’s what happened here apparently.  Leatherface had a bad hair curler experience and it’s out of control at this point, leaving no hope in sight.  I tried to click the Ebay link to the mask and unfortunately it says there was an error in the listing.  And I believe that error was trying to sell it in the first place.

‘Leatherface: The Acne Years’ Is Coming Soon!

Well, file this one under the ‘What The Fuck’ category.  It was reported yesterday by The Wrap that the newest addition to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre saga is going to focus on Leatherface in his teenage years.  I’ll give that a second to sink in.  What do you think of the news, recently deceased original Texas Chainsaw Massacre star Marilyn Burns?


Couldn’t have said it better myself.  So yes, it has been confirmed that this is actually happening and it even has a generic uninspired title to go along with the generic uninspired storyline.  It will be called (drum roll please)……..Leatherface!  A lot powerful minds worked on that one.  I won’t apologize for not liking Texas Chainsaw 3D last year.  A couple of good gore scenes aside, it was a train wreck.  And the last thing I ever want to do is sympathize with a deranged killer who wields a chainsaw and likes to wear people’s skin for his masks.  So now we have this news about the prequel to the original 1974 movie where apparently we’ll enter the mind of a teenage Leatherface.


Since this is going to focus on his teen years, we can now finally see what we’ve always wanted to see when we think of Leatherface.  His acne and that moment where his voice changes.  I’m sure it will be pretty embarrassing for him.  Speaking of which, we might even get to see him get caught by his Mom while masturbating for the first time.  Yikes!  All bad jokes and humor aside, I guess I should wait and hold out a little hope until things get rolling on this prequel.  But I got a funny feeling and a bad taste in my mouth that this isn’t going to go well.  Until the final verdict is in though, I’m dusting off my copy of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and am gonna give it a watch to make everything right with the world, at least for the moment.

Holy Armadillos! New Poster For The 40th Anniversary Of ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ Is Released

Thanks to Entertainment Weekly, we get a glimpse at a new poster to commemorate the 40th Anniversary of Tobe Hooper’s 1974 classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  And it’s good news if you’re a fan of armadillos!


A new remastered version of the iconic horror film will make it’s debut at the SXSW festival this Monday.  But let’s talk about this poster for a minute.  Some might complain that it’s light on chainsaws, but I personally love it though.  It’s got the infamous van with the creepy hitchhiker blood smeared all over it.  And the colors really pop, which is always better than the alternative of the colors not popping.

The poster does bring to light an unfortunate realization that we must all come to terms with though:  The senseless killing of armadillos.  These strange creatures deserve better than to be left on the side of the road on their backs. It really can just start with one kind gesture to your fellow armadillo the next time you see him (or her) while you’re wandering in a waterless desert.  You will be rewarded with good karma.  Ok, now let’s see a pic of the crazy hitchhiker who smeared his blood all over the side of the van!


Hip Hip Horroray! Franklin’s Death From ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’

I usually root for handicapped characters in horror movies.  I felt bad when Will ‘The Wizard Master’ from Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors bit the dust via Freddy Krueger in his dream world.  And I felt even worse when Mark from Friday The 13th Part 2 took a machete to the face just after he was making headway with a lovely young lady inside a cabin.  Life can be cruel. But not quite as cruel when we’re talking about Franklin Hardesty from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.


Welcome to another edition of Hip Hip Horroray!  It’s a mediocre ongoing post where I give you my moments throughout horror history that made me rejoice when someone annoying in a movie met their demise.  And if we’re talking annoying, we’re talking about Franklin.  Bound to a wheelchair, but not bound to being a character that we give a shit about, Franklin mopes and blows raspberries while he wheels around and becomes more and more annoying as the film goes on.  The first part of sweet justice is served early on though, when he tries to take a leak on the side of the road and rolls down a hill after a speeding car blows by him.


And of course, the second part of sweet justice is served when Leatherface does what we all wish we could:  he carves Franklin up like a delicious Thanksgiving turkey.  Fittingly, Franklin is still bitching and moaning right up until the chainsaw does us all the big favor.  If you pause the movie during this scene at just the right moment by the way, you can see a small smile appear on his sister Sally’s face.  She’s glad he’s gone and as the audience, so are we.  So join me now with the Youtube video below in sharing the joy of Franklin Hardesty’s last moments on Earth.  Hip Hip Horroray!

A Day Late: Texas Chainsaw 3D Sequel Already In The Works?

I’m a day late on this one, but word around the slaughterhouse is that Texas Chainsaw 3D could be getting up to 6 more sequels because of it’s strong 22 million dollar opening weekend.  Here comes my sarcastic yay.  Yay!  No, I haven’t seen the new Leatherface outing.  No, I’m not rushing out to see it. But yes, I will eventually submit my eyes to the mediocre drivel that it most likely is and will be.  Add to that the fact that I already guessed the big “twist”, and you have someone here who will see it purely based on the fact that I’ve seen every TCM entry into the franchise to this day, even the shitty ones.

*ahhh! I forgot sunblock again!*

I get torn on the fact that this movie was number one at the box office this weekend.  I myself, went and finally saw Django Unchained which was way more satisfying than seeing a shirtless Trey Songs run away from our favorite human skin mask wearing villain.  I love that a horror movie, no matter what it is, can take the top spot on any given week.  But I hate that it has to be a movie that really seems it was made “just because” and doesn’t seem to have any kind of soul or passion behind it at all (the Nightmare On Elm Street remake always comes to mind when I type something like this).  I applaud a horror movie getting some shine, but I boo loudly at the same time when it really doesn’t deserve it.  I think I know what we all need here to bring us up from this Texas Chainsaw low.  Cue up the pic!

News: Texas Chainsaw 3D Trailer Hits Online – Does It Cut It?

Ok boys and girls, run and put your human skin masks on and gather round the computer because the new trailer for Texas Chainsaw 3D is here!  Ok, ready?  Here it is!

Ok – what the hell was that?  Now granted, it’s just a trailer and maybe my now lowered expectations will turn out to be a blessing in human skin mask disguise when I see the finished product in theaters.  But I have to say, that looks like it has ‘straight to DVD stinker’ written all over it.   Continue reading