Ladies And Gentlemen……The Great Leap Of Jason Voorhees In ‘Friday The 13th Part III’!

With the Summer Olympics on the horizon, I figured I would showcase someone who had so much raw potential and skill in the 80’s, that he could have easily been a champion participant.  I’m talking about none other than Jason Voorhees!  Oh go ahead and laugh and throw things at the computer screen.  Apparently you haven’t seen a little movie called Friday The 13th Part III???  Behold the majestic wonder of Jason’s nimble legs, as he uses them to jump out of the way of a speeding van:

Wow!  Have you ever seen such elegance and grace?  It’s like he could have leapt off of the screen if he wanted to, which would have been appropriate considering the film was in 3D.  If only Jason had realized his full Olympic potential, he could have been competing for the gold in the high jump or hurdles.  Instead, he would just go on to make more Friday The 13th sequels and then appear in a lackluster reboot in 2009.  Oh wait – how could I forget about the judges?  Judges, let’s see your scores for that incredible ‘dodging the van’ leap from Mr. Voorhees……


Well, I have no idea why the Looney Tunes characters have showed up in this post as judges, but they’re here so let’s just roll with it.  And looking at those scores, I think we can only come up with one conclusion:  Porky The Pig and Pepe Le Pew really like Jason and would like to have a threesome with him.  Ok, maybe not – but what is clear is that Jason Voorhees missed his calling as a future Olympian, and the world lost out on something truly special and glorious.  Just another sad case of wasted talent.  Btw – yes, I was high when I wrote this post.  USA!  USA!  USA!

News: Russian Synchronized Swimmers Perform To Suspiria Theme!

Ahhhh – the Olympics.  Michael Phelps and all of his flashy gold medals.  The elegance and grace of the trampoline competition.  GO USA!!  YEAH!  No, I’m not really an Olympic hater, but bring me back some new episodes of Hell’s Kitchen and Masterchef already!  But as I scrolled through the news this morning, something caught my eye. The words Olympics and Suspiria used in the same sentence!  Apparently, the Russian Synchronized Swimming Duet Team do their performance to the sweet sounds of Goblin’s “Suspiria”.  Now before you have any Red Dawn flashbacks, let’s give these Russkies a chance.

*wtf did you say about Howard The Duck you commi bastard?!*

The performance is by Natalia Ischenko and Svetlana Romashina and unfortunately, this isn’t their actual Olympic performance.  This is from April 20, but hopefully the actual Olympic footage will pop up soon.  So sit back and enjoy watching two Russian women frolic and splash around in the pool to the creepy ass theme from Suspiria!