Dirty Horror’s Best And Worst Of 2015!

Should old acquaintances be forgotten, and never brought to mind?  Oh who cares, it’s time to talk the best and worst horror movies of 2015!  Small disclaimer before we get started:  There were some movies I didn’t get a chance to see, but they are on my ‘To Do’ list.  So pardon me if some of your best and worst are not on my lists.  Now let’s kick it off with best and save the worst for last!   Continue reading

So, About This ‘Martyrs’ Remake…….

I haven’t went on a good rant in a while.  And what better place to start it back up than with this upcoming remake of the amazing 2008 French horror movie, Martyrs.

I’ll save my breath about Hollywood and the fact that they can’t come up with any original ideas anymore for horror movies, let alone movies in general.  The soon-to-be released Poltergeist remake looks pretty much like a CGI-infused carbon copy of the original.  And don’t get me started on this “exact script as the original” version for the Cabin Fever that’s going to be forced upon us soon.  But none gets my blood boiling more than the upcoming remake of Martyrs, a truly original and mesmerizing horror masterpiece in my opinion that not only punches you in the gut while you watch it, but makes you contemplate something as important and thought provoking as afterlife.  Oh, and it’s got one amazing shotgun blast death scene too.

Tremendous, isn’t it?  If you’ve seen the original Martrys, then I don’t have to tell you it goes to places that most American films don’t have the balls to go to. And therein lies the problem with this remake.  I just don’t have an ounce of faith that it will take you to where the original went and make you feel what the original made you feel in the end.  Martyrs was one of the only horror movies that literally made me sit in silence after I watched it for a good 15 minutes or so.  But who knows….maybe the directing duo of The Goetz Brothers (there are two of them, so maybe that’s an advantage) will prove me wrong and deliver something faithful and honorable to that 2008 version.  At least they’re not overselling it already and calling it ‘The Ultimate Horror Movie‘ or anything like that.



And So It Begins…..The ‘Poltergeist’ Remake Trailer Is Here.

Sigh.  I’m actually not going to say much about this right now because I like Sam Rockwell.  Does it look like a competent horror movie?  Yes.  Does it look like an unnecessary almost bit-for-bit remake of the original?  Yes.  Kudos to the creepy clown though with the pull-away nose.  I think he’ll be the star of the movie.  Aside from having Poltergeist be yet another horror remake from my childhood, I’m more so just over the whole “paranormal” aspect.  It’s overdone, so we’ll see what this one has up it’s sleeve to stand out.  Stay tuned for more info and more rantings from me in the near future upon it’s release date.


Dirty Horror’s 2014 New Year’s Resolutions

Sadly, 2013 is gone.  And we’ll never get to see her again.  Oh sure, we had our fun times and may have even objectified her a tad, but she’s gone like a stinky fart in the wind.  Enter in her replacement:  2014.  And to make 2014 feel welcome, especially in the horror blogging world, I’m going to give my New Year’s resolutions to make her feel wanted and loved and to make sure that I give her everything that I couldn’t give 2013.

Resolution #1:  Watch the first season and new season of Bates Motel

One of my regrets from 2013 was that I bailed early on AMC’s show, Bates Motel.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t into it mind you…..it was just that I got caught up in so many other shows, that I neglected it.  To make matters worse, I watched an entire season of that shit show Under The Dome, but didn’t give Bates Motel the time of day.  But not this year.  I’m watching the first season and giving the second season my undivided and full attention when it starts on March 3rd.  The lovely Vera Farmiga would want it that way.


Resolution #2:  I will try to have more of an open mind with horror remakes

Yeah.  I’m one of those horror fans.  The one who screams to the mountain tops when a remake is announced.  And I’ll admit, I tend to be a little set in my ways and hate for the sake of hating when it comes to remakes.  Not that I don’t give some their praise though (Maniac, Evil Dead), but the majority that do come out get an extra dose of shit piled on them from me.  See last year’s Carrie review for proof.  But this year, I want to change.  I want to (grits teeth hard) have hope for the Robocop remake.  I want to not roll my eyes when the new Poltergeist remake releases a trailer.  Seriously?!  They’re remaking Poltergeist!?  What the f*ck?!!!  Ok, this is gonna be harder than I thought.


Resolution #3:  Watch and listen to more commentary tracks on horror Blu-ray releases

Nothing irritates me more about myself than plucking down $25 for a new Blu-ray release, only to watch the movie and pay zero attention to the extras that are included.  Can’t explain why I do it, but I’m sure part of it is laziness and the other part has something to do with my constant ADD frame of mind.  This year, I want to appreciate and enjoy some of the extras that come with Blu-ray releases, especially the commentary tracks.  Companies like Scream Factory are busting their ass to give fans what the want with their releases, and here’s somebody like me sitting on his ass only watching the movie.  And to that I say (while semi-violently pumping my fist in the air):  It’s time for a change!


Resolution #4:  Try and get on board with the Paranormal Activity franchise  

Not one, but two new Paranormal Activity movies are coming out in 2014.  And judging from the list of horror movies that will be hitting the big screen this year, the Paranormal movies are looking more and more appealing.  But here’s the thing:  I don’t understand the love that these movies get.  I saw the first one.  Saw the third one as well.  Heard the fourth one was crap, so I didn’t bother.  But now I’m hearing all sorts of good buzz about Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones which comes out this week, so I feel it might be time for me to jump on board with this franchise.  If I was able to ride for seven straight Saw movies, I can surely give these found footage flicks a chance, right?  Of course I can!  I can do it!!!  Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.  Thanks, Stuart Smalley!

And Now In Unnecessary Remake News: The ‘Poltergeist’ Remake Gets A Director!

I guess we have to just pretty much sit back and take it at this point.  So, the remake that just won’t seem to die (it’s been talked about for about 10 years now), has finally found a director.  Well, at least for now that is.  Director Gil Kenan (Monster House) will now be the third (yes, third) man behind the camera to be attached to the seemingly inevitable Poltergeist remake.  Sam Raimi is producing and that might be a good thing since he’s also producing the upcoming Evil Dead remake and that seems to look amazing.  But, he also produced The Grudge 2 (2006) and The Messengers (2007), so it’s a crapshoot.  Maybe it’s just because of my age and the fact that I grew up on the original 1982 Steven Spielberg and Tobe Hooper classic, but I really wish they wouldn’t touch this one.

*shhhh….just let it happen*

I can’t think of another movie that traumatized me as much as a child as Poltergeist.  I had a tree outside of my bedroom window that I was convinced was going to burst through my window and eat me.  Even though it was just a small apple blossom tree, but still!  It’s dainty apple blossom branches could have done some damage to a 6 year old kid.  And don’t even get me started about my sister’s creepy pink clown that sat in her rocking chair.  Sadly, my He-Man and Skeletor action figures couldn’t offer the protection that I needed. On top of all of that, there’s no way I could comfortably eat a steak anymore, because my face would obviously fall off.

*remember to turn the other cheek….or just rip it off*

Why do I feel that the Poltergeist remake is going to be heavy on the CGI and light on the actual scares?  I really hope Sam Raimi and Gil Kenan take a note from the no-CGI policy on the Evil Dead remake and keep some integrity in their new version of Poltergeist.  We’ll see how this one develops as it moves along and we’ll also see if that creepy old guy from Poltergeist 2 will pop up to sell some more knives or whatever he was pushing when he came knocking on the Freeling’s door.

*excuse me….would you happen to have any Bengay?*