Non-Anticipation Alert: Martyrs (2016)

Rejoice!  The trailer for the Martyrs remake is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Let’s watch it!

…….Hmmmmm……So what’s everybody doing for Christmas?  Anything good going on in the world of sports nowadays?  Clearly if you can’t tell, I’m avoiding talking about the trailer.  To start – it can be said that the original French version of Martyrs is one of those films that had a strong impact on me after I watched it.  It’s definitely not for everyone, and will most likely turn your stomach in different directions, but the original Martyrs is the epitome of an impactful horror movie.

So what’s my beef with the remake and the trailer?  Mostly that it’s the definition of an unnecessary remake.  Now, I did hear good things about the Goetz Brothers’ first film Scenic Route, so I’m not going to fault them for trying to tackle Martyrs here.  But when you watch the trailer, the editing is choppy and it screams ‘direct-to-DVD’, which after further investigation seems to be the case.

Anchor Bay will be releasing it in limited theaters and Digital HD on January 22nd, but then quickly putting it out on VOD, DVD, and Blu-ray two weeks later. And that my friends is a slap in the face to the original and more proof that there was no need to remake it.  So let’s take a look back at one of the scenes from the fantastic original Martyrs and wash this bad remake taste out of our mouths ASAP:

So, About This ‘Martyrs’ Remake…….

I haven’t went on a good rant in a while.  And what better place to start it back up than with this upcoming remake of the amazing 2008 French horror movie, Martyrs.

I’ll save my breath about Hollywood and the fact that they can’t come up with any original ideas anymore for horror movies, let alone movies in general.  The soon-to-be released Poltergeist remake looks pretty much like a CGI-infused carbon copy of the original.  And don’t get me started on this “exact script as the original” version for the Cabin Fever that’s going to be forced upon us soon.  But none gets my blood boiling more than the upcoming remake of Martyrs, a truly original and mesmerizing horror masterpiece in my opinion that not only punches you in the gut while you watch it, but makes you contemplate something as important and thought provoking as afterlife.  Oh, and it’s got one amazing shotgun blast death scene too.

Tremendous, isn’t it?  If you’ve seen the original Martrys, then I don’t have to tell you it goes to places that most American films don’t have the balls to go to. And therein lies the problem with this remake.  I just don’t have an ounce of faith that it will take you to where the original went and make you feel what the original made you feel in the end.  Martyrs was one of the only horror movies that literally made me sit in silence after I watched it for a good 15 minutes or so.  But who knows….maybe the directing duo of The Goetz Brothers (there are two of them, so maybe that’s an advantage) will prove me wrong and deliver something faithful and honorable to that 2008 version.  At least they’re not overselling it already and calling it ‘The Ultimate Horror Movie‘ or anything like that.

Poster-Presales

Fuck……